Why Hello...

Now I thought I would just quickly up date you all on something rather interesting... I am officially in the best mood I have been in for a good 8 months... Not sure why, Not sure what's caused it, but im back to me... I know a few of you will be thinking.. well you've been you for a while.. I've been out, I've made new friends, I've drunken more than I care to think about, Brought at least one more pair of Bridget Jones Pants to make me look like I've lost 4.5 stone.. (i haven't its the magic of the pants)...

However last night... I walked home though what can only be described as a horrendous storm (ok may have been some light splattering of rain and a bit of a wind) but it was horrendous.. Anyway... Soaked to the bone.. (my feet were wet), I walked in  to my lovely little house, Candles where lit and the radio was on in the kitchen, I got my book, blanket, glass of wine, and curled on the sofa and read and then it hit me... Hello happiness.. Now don't get me wrong I have been happy in the last few months, I've had some of the most funniest moments, met some amazing people, grown up .. ish.. and been happy but there was always something niggerling me that would catch me out on the odd day or when going to sleep... However for some reason it seems to have gone.. and today I wake up as usual with old grown of why is my alarm clock going off at 5.30am because there is no chance its time to wake up but sadly it is and I had a smile on face.. and have done ever since.. Just .. Happy..

So I thought I would enlighten you all because reading back over some these blogs it sounds a bit like I was near jumping off a bridge if a small enough one with enough water was some where close by so that i wouldn't actually injure myself..

So... Lets begin again shall we... Single, Young, Still got my own teeth, Own hair, I am legally allowed to drink.... Lets see where it goes... oooooo the excitement.....

"your exits are here, here and here"

It has been one exciting, drunken, weird, fattening, darn good week................... SO... Lets begin

My beautiful elder sister is engaged... How very exciting.. I got a phone call on Tuesday last week at 1:30am - P being in New York at the time I thought she was just pissed and possibly spotted Tom Cruise and felt that I needed to know about it.. so I may have cancelled her once or twice.. it was only when i had a phone call from G that i thought i should probably answer the call. P was at the end of the phone and told me G had asked her to marry him.... well Thats what I think she said because there was quite a lot of high pitched squealing at the other end... obviously my first thought was DAM IT she will use up all the wedding fund.... although im sure there will be some more available in 2089 when actually find a deaf blind man to marry me... but obviously after that i was some what over excited and spent the rest of the night thinking up what i could say in my speech.. yes i will be making a speech.. not that they know that yet..I like to think it will be a joyous surprise for them.. I am very well known for what fantastic off the cuff speeches, those that attended my fathers 60th will know what i mean... (sadly it was possibly one of the most embarrassing moments of my life, whilst being a little pissed on turbo pims and seemed to thank my father in front of 50 or so of his closest friends for sending us to private school and not being mean to our X boyfriends or Girlfriends... Awkward doesn't even cut it... particuly  as my closing words were saying rather to loudly so people thought i was still talking " Off the Bloody Cuff... Off the Bloody cuff"... Yes ladies and Gentlemen i am very good at speeches... i think also at my 21st I thanked C for coming all the way from Afghanistan and my French friend from coming from Salisbury he'd come from Southampton...) So i'm sure P and G are might looking forward to it... then again.... I might just listen to everyone else do there speeches.. after all P might put me in some canary yellow big bird outfit with more bows that a sugar plum fairy would have, so I might not even be able to stand up..

Also very exciting... I have booked a holiday to Dubai... Well me and B are going to Dubai ( B is a friend from Cornwall so least i feel a lot safer about going with someone.. else knowing me i would end up on a flight to Timbuck Too and be married for 2 goats and chicken) So we are going in March.. Can't actually wait.. going to go and annoy our friend F who lives out there.. So should be good to have a good old catch up.. plus a tan in March.. HELLO.. Also this is something i can now mark off on my Life to do list.. We are going well so far with the list! However sadly the thought of losing 89 stone before going on said holiday is a little bit daunting and doesn't help when your a foody like me... I was thinking the other night the best possibly outcome is that I find a Feeder... one of those men who like to feed there women... and then I could possibly feature in Closer Magazine about how i make £89,000 per year while men watch me eat... (blugh just made myself feel a bit sick then)

Other than that not a lot else has happened that's exiting im afraid.. Although the other night when I couldn't sleep and had 67 thousands things whirling around inside my head I thought I would write some down in a almost poem type fashion.. at the time i thought it was good... however when i read it back the other morning i actually laughed out loud at how poor it was... No wonder school told me i couldn't take A level English..

Massive Cringe ....

You know when sometimes you have those moments that actually makes your whole body pulls it self in because your cringing so much your muscles all tighten up and you try to make yourself that bit smaller ... and you pull that slightly awkward weird face and your eyes get closer together and your mouth suddenly does something very weird... Yer I had one of those moments...

So .. at work we deal with all kinds of customers.. some nice, some not so nice as most people in there jobs will find.. however we seem to also deal with the deluded..

We have one applicant who is looking for a house, he must mid 60s to 70s - and pretty sure he might be starting to lose the plot a little bit.. every time he comes in to the office.. a good once or twice a week he tells us the same story's.... literally I can tell you more about his life than I can my own.. which lets be honest we all have Parents/Grandparents like that so its fine... apart from when he starts lambasting our houses because he was in the building trade you know.. and I don't think he understands that when your DOWNSIZING a house this actually means your house will be SMALLER.. he seems to want a small bungalow where each room is 70' x 80'.. and under a certain price bracket.. obviously this does not exist.

Anyway.. every time he comes in me and my colleges take it in turn to deal with him because more than once a week you'll end up either pulling your hair out or shouting at him.. not the best customer service one feels.

So.. about a week ago he booked a viewing for a flat (he hates flats.. so not sure why ) and then never turned up.. so 2 hours after the viewing we get a phone call from out lovely elderly lady vendor who said he was down stairs but she didn't want to let him up was that ok? what a sweetheart.. obviously we told her that was fine, we would contact him and get another appointment booked.. that we did.. so a week later.. off he went to look at it..

Four hours later he turns up in our office - at this point J who sits opposite the door spots this and does a runner.. thanks J... So i'm left to deal with him... as he walks in the door.. "hello gorgeous" to me ... ugh instantly my gag reflex kicked in.. He then goes on to tell me that our Vendor was... "very nice" (I could almost see him rubbing his legs together.. so AWKWARD) and did she have a husband.. to which I automatically said yes.. our poor vendor did not now need a stalker on top of everything else.. his response was .. " Thats a  shame... I'm in need of a good fling i am..." whilst leering at me never felt so uncomfortable felt like saying My face is up here thanks love!!.... honestly thought I was either going to cry with embarrassment, laugh in his face or die .. J by this point was standing by the photocopier as she laughing so much she couldn't sit at her desk.. He then proceeded to tell me he had been recently dumped and continued on about how he was sad as he quite liked her and how they often spent the night together... I seriously swear my body had practically folded in on its self i was cringing so much... after a while I just went.. " well sorry that property wasn't for you, we will let you know should something come up, " turned back to my computer and tried to ignore him.. Thankfully after 5 minutes he kind of got the picture but only after telling me my phone system was wrong and he tried to call us 10 times this morning.... weird as we hadn't had any other complaints.. Anyway by the time he left i felt like i need a good scrub down and took a good hour before my body uncurled its self from the cringing...

Anyway so after that awkward moment... what else has been happening... Not a lot sadly.. Managed to go to the gym TWICE this week.. I know ill be a size 8 before you know it.. sadly at the moment I look a little more like a chubby extra from Fame.. If anyone has a head band and some electric pink leg warmers it would really finish of the look..

I've also started a kind of Life to do list... containing things like... Do a parachute jump, Travel around Italy (coincidence or not but I started talking to a Italian the other night and I mentioned I wanted to go to Rome, He's from Rome... coincidence or fate..)

Also recently been considering going proper brunette.. those of you that don't know me - I am a fan of the old peroxide so would be a bit of a change.. naturally i am a brunette but more a mousy brown that isn't really a colour so would be thinking of going chocolate brown.. still need to speak my hairdresser and see what she says... I do this because I've known her so long she'll tell me what she thinks.. a while ago i wanted a bob told her and the look on her face instantly put me off.. after i asked if she thought it would work her response was.. well.. i just don't think you'll like it.. haha...

Anyway.. thats all for now folks... Hopefully something exciting might happen today/tonight.. never know might meet prince charming himself..... Is harry in the South West this weekend??

Tar Barrels, Zumba, and a night out..

Hi all...

Now its been a good few weeks since I did one of these.. but as you know I don’t often write innless there is something to write about ... so here I am... however no-one get to excited im not about to announce im engaged, preggers, rich, fallen in love, or brought a new pair of knickers I feel I have to tell you about. Just a general update -

Still slightly going through a midlife (mid 20's) Crises but im thinking this will soon by pass me and ill be back to thinking im a young spritely 15 year old again soon im sure of it..

So.... Firework night has been and gone and I had my first ever exciting adventure of The Tar Barrels.. Now im not going to lie.. Seriously what is up with that.. thousands on thousands of people in a tiny little village where at one point I swear I was "moshing" in a high street... and sadly being the 5ft 6/7 that I am I could barely see my friends let alone a flaming bloody tar barrel.. so I set my sights on the bottle of gin an tonic and plum vodka I had in my handbag... Although, this is probably a good thing I didn’t get to close to the barrels as we all already know im a little accident prone and when we first arrived we were pretty close to one and think I almost weed myself a little I was so scared.. actually I almost did this alot because it took an HOUR to que for the toilets... you had to practically pee, get a drink and stand at the back of the que again because by the time you get to the front it will be time to pee again.. (cue my first experience of peeing in a mans toilet) Although.. there was one exciting/dangerous/thought I was going to die moment happened was when B thought it would be a great idea to go on a rollacosta thing called Adrenalin Rush.... yer....I did not cope well... I also think its the longest time I have ever been stone silent ... everyone was waving there hands in the air and screaming.. I had my arms crossed like I had already died, staring at a light fitting, whilst a few tears ran down my face... I swear I was going to die.. After getting off said Adrenalin rush none of us could walk properly for a good 15 minutes which was another brilliant reason for bringing the plum vodka.... However I have this fun new game that my love V already knows about called The Embarrassing Game...

I am a big fan.. So whilst I was having my first experience of a mosh pit in a town centre I asked B if she wanted to play.. sadly she didn’t ask me the rules of the games but she agreed anyway.. So here is the game... mainly you do your best to embarrass each other... I kept tapping nice men on the back/ugly men and declaring my friend Sophie (B).. Really liked the look of them but was just to shy to say anything so could they go talk to her...I found this hilarious.. B not so .. still I was entertained... I once played this game with V in a night club in Falmouth.. and it worked a treat as by the end of the evening there where 4 Italian… ponies (definitely not a stallion in sight) where up and grinding next to her whilst she looked on in horror whilst I pointed and laughed… I sound like a horrible friend..

Not a lot else is happening at the moment im afraid.. I actually attended the gym the other night … Zumba… now that was interesting… standing in a room with 22 other women (and one man… good on him) whilst we danced around and grinded our hips and body popped… and what with my lack of co-ordination I was something of a dream and slightly put out that women a good 20 years older than me were body popping like its gone out of style.. Good work ladies.. then again it has been a while since I grinded my hips… (Haha this actually just made me laugh our loud… Sorry parents, God parents, Older generation that know me and read this…)

Saturday I was having a bit of an off day but that all got put to rights with a nice lunch down on the Exeter Quay in the sunshine (and yes it was a date, so that was kind of nice to do.. very nice and relaxed and he was a surgeon.. hello super grown up job felt a bit of dyslexic weirdo but still.. bit of fun hey, also very opposite to my usual type with the old short back and sides military look … however still keeping the uniform kind of in there)

Saturday night was all about getting dressed up and going out… so after 2 bottles of pink fizz at mine with the girls out we went… Black dresses on, Make up on, High heels… not so much.. uggs.. bit more me as I wanted to dance the night away, Tights pulled up to somewhere near my neck meaning that I could wear nice pants and not the Bridget’s.. I still have a fear that the one night I get lucky there ill be standing in Knickers bigger than my whole outfit put together.../ look a bit like im in some body suit.. Not attractive..

After a bit of pubbing off we went into town.. Went to Mama Stones for a bit before vacating and hitting the good old TP.. Brilliant night of dancing, shots, dancing, ect continued.. At 2am the lights came on… always a shocker… normally because you work out the Ben Affleck cross with Ryan Reynolds look alike bloke your talking to turns out to be Homer Simpson.. it’s a bit a run for the hills moment.. Thank god for the uggs... whilst meandering to the taxi rank like good girls we decide to see if we can get into firehouse.. we couldn’t.. However by this point I decided I needed to wee … so after a lot of badgering the nice bouncer if I could run in and pee and offering him my Mulberry handbag… This was dire time’s people… DIRE… he let me in.. Only after laughing at me at the cost of the handbag..  

Once inside I pumped into the surgeon which was nice.. After probably staying a little longer inside than I was meant to, I left the firehouse to find the girls.. Girls = a negative.. … so after a few phone calls and only getting A who could only describe the fact they were somewhere near Debenhams but not Debenhams I ended up standing outside Topshop waiting on a unknown man to come and find me to take me to the girls.. cue slightly concerned me whilst in my head there was music going .. dur na.. dur na… dur na dur na dur na (that is the theme tune to jaws if no one gets that) and wondering the best way to get the girls and then get away whilst not being raped and murdered in Exeter city centre.. thankfully.. the boy was actually very pleasant and not a murdering type at all.. So after a bit of a party in some nice strange mans flat we ended up in a taxi heading for home at 4am…

All I can say is that yesterday being Sunday was not a good day…however I have found a new favourite thing that makes you feel better with a hangover… a round of applause .. after having lunch at the Passage with a few people to help clear the hangover we decided to name something we had done that weekend that would earn us a around of applause it went from…. Doing the dirty deed to kissing to the fact we actually got out of bed on such a horrific hangover.. The rest of the afternoon consisted of X factor, Tea, and a hot water bottle.. Hello middle age im ready!!!!

Back on the wagon

First things first.. Sorry about the last blog.. was all a little sad and down... yesterday was lets say.. not one of my finest days..!! However today I have given myself a rather stern talking to and so .. im putting myself back on the wagon.. not the alcoholic wagon of cause.. no no I don’t think we have hit that stage in my life at the moment after all I still have three bottles of pink fizz in my cupboard at home... the stop feeling sorry for self, pick myself up, dust myself down, stop being such an annoying whinny annoying 23 yr old wagon..

So what does being back on the wagon mean.. this means I am going to start doing things.. here are the list of things I am wanting to achieve before Christmas time when I get so over excited (see birthday week and double it) and drink far to much Mulled wine..

1. Go back to the gym... at one point in my life I was going 3 times a week.... now if i get there 3 times a month its a bloody miracle.. literally..

2. Take up a hobby... yes I am a middle aged women... but no im going to have a cool hobby like.. Jewellery making or Knitting or... a lion tamer... all I believe are possible..

3. Start actually going back on dates again and actually taking them seriously and not a way to get out of paying for 7 meals a week...

4. Start saving money again.. although this could be a problem as im already flat broke and its not pay day yet.. brilliant

5. Find a Super rich man to help with point 4

Ect.... your getting the gist... I believe I just need a bit more in my life other than.. waking up, work, home, cooking, washing, bed, up... ect ect..

Also I have to remember I am 20 bloody 3 and single ... this is surly brilliant... well most people would think so I friggin hate it but still.. I can do what I want, go where I want, see what I want... as long as the funds present themselves...DADDY... jokes.. Well ish....

So that’s it the wagon.. starting from... well next week... im going to Cornwall tomorrow and lets be honest I wont eat healthy, I will drink, I will embarrass myself possibly to quite a high extent… as normal, and definitely cant go to the gym tonight if this is all happening.. SO... Monday morning... Watch yourself... Innless I have a hangover because I ended up in the pub on Sunday night... if so.. TUESDAY watch yourself.

Life, Love, & Marriage

Why is it in life you always do things that’s bad for you... we all do it .. Eat the wrong foods, Fall for the wrong people, Go on the wrong holiday destination, Where the wrong clothes for that time of year.. I am yet to meet someone who actually does everything right ... and if this person actually exists.. they wont be for long!.. Ok so that sounded a bit like I was stalker come murderer.... Another fault to add to the long line of my faults… Pretty much hit a A4 pages now...

Don't get me wrong I have some amazing things in my life and if confronted with some middle eastern starving child then im some kind of princess.. I have some brilliant friends, a great family, I live in one of the most beautiful places, I have a job, Practically no dept..... yet.. still with all this.. at times I get lonely and wish my life was different.. Selfish aren’t I… there’s another to add on...

Sometimes I kind of wish I could fast forward 10 years .... Ill be 33.. Just... and fingers crossed ill be settled down, married, possibly got some children of my own... and happy as larry... I know this doesn’t often work out and knowing me this probably wont have happened for me... but still be nice not to deal with everything that’s involved in the in-between stages..

Is it really weird and a bit bad that im already bored of going out and meeting people... its so tiring to think of conversations that will keep someone entertained, go from date to date, work out if you like them.. ect ect... especially if there is already someone or something your already thinking about but things never work out as they should sometimes in life...

Sorry for the slightly dull/sad/weird blog today... just seems to be how im feeling... very much Bridget Jones eating Branston pickle out the jar moment... I don’t even like Branston pickle...or swigging from a bottle of vodka whilst singing " all by myself" in the most out of tune voice I can lay my hands on... Maybe just some  pink fizz would be a better alternative with some ... "you've lost that lovin feeling,"... Gosh i am fun today!

Here comes the... Rain...

So... I have a feeling we are in winter... the rain it has cometh…

Is it weird I love it when the weather is like this... Dark, Dismal, Wet, Cold... pretty much me when im in a bad mood... and today the weather represents my mood... See above..

Not sure why... I think its a bit mess of the fact ive got a cold.. (A reason not to always enjoy winter), The fact today for some reason I feel unbelievably lonely, and also slightly hating anyone who might be loved up... Seriously its not even valentines day.. Please stop with the hand holding and the snogging in public!!! (please note if I meet my future husband/lover/mildly good looking man that might actually want to get this close to me... I will be retracting the above statement).. however I am pretty sure im not about to walk down the high street looking like a drowned rat and the man of my dreams suddenly finds me... its more likely he will be out side, walking in the opposite direction to me... see me looking like a drowned rat as my umbrella and wet weather protects my mulberry handbag and im left open to the elements.. (Lets be honest which is more important.. ) Gives me the once over and decides that I must be involved in one of those men to women transgender programmes because there just aint no way a normal person can look like that!!.. Just my friggin luck..

On a more cheerful note.. I am going to Cornwall for the weekend to spend some time with the my much loved if slightly odd sort of people from Portscatho... also means I get to see my bezza VTT.. where im sure we will undoubtedly drink 4 white wine spriters become very drunk, tell people we had much more because then we don’t seem quite so lame, play a game on a IT box that you cant win money from .. We still love it all the same... and end up crying on one another’s shoulders about how crummy our life has suddenly become in the last 3.4 hours... However we will then have a lazy Saturday and pretty much do the whole thing again on Saturday night... got to love it..

Nothing much else to report I’m afraid to say... very boring I know... haven’t even had a big dyslexic moment today.... im sure ill find a time for one soon tho... innless my brain is storing it up for one MASSIVE moment ... along the lines of a lion and a tiger again... All pray to God that I wont be surround by to many people... infact lets pray im around only VTT least then we can pretend it never happened what with our favourite word OP... we can just take it back and pretend it ... never... happened...

Bubbles....

Now it is not a secret in the world I live in that I love Champagne... Or bubbles... however if you take a look at my fridge on Saturday night you might understand while still now on Monday the thought makes me feel a little sick..... Hopefully this feeling will be gone ASAP.. As it makes me sad..



Saturday night was Mine, My brothers Girlfriend and my birthday twins birthday party... and boy do we know how to celebrate when we need to...... Started out all very nice and civilized with a quick hot tub action with some bubbles... I sadly didn’t go in the hot tub as feeling a bit poorly and my mum once told me not to go in the hot tub when one is sick... However a few paracets later, Bottle or 3 of bubbles.. and I was well on my way to being 100 AOK again... Highly recommended for a quick fix against a cough and cold.... although please note... the next day is never good!!

After some bubble action with bubbles... (anyone else saying bubbles like the fish of finding Nemo.... bbbuuubbbllleess..... if I was a fish I recon I would be him… her.. it.. who knows) ANYWAY...

After a mammoth amount of perfume, make up, clothes, and general girly stuff we were on our way to... The Topsham Rugga Club.. how super fabulous.. however cheap drinks made it a cracking start to the evening.. after here we headed down to our local The Passage where the drinks just kept coming... including a shot of Black Sambucca.. to name my least favourite drink in the world.. Tar Dar (VTT you know what this means – sorry all private joke).. After shoting it and running to the ladies for the make safe .. just in case... (I wasn’t, but you never know.. one has be careful)... we then decided to hit a favourite haunt in Exeter... TP.... Arr what a night... apparently we were on the top floor and shaking it... this I don’t remember but the way my body ached the next day made me feel like I had A been hit by a bus and B been in some sort of fight.. Thankfully I was reassured I didn’t get in to a girl fight... thankfully because lets be honest I couldn’t cope in a water fight let alone a full on girl session... Spoke to a nice rugby player for a bit but after a while I asked if he new my name and he didn’t so I wondered off... however... can I remember his name.... my flatmate tells me I called him tom.. Whether or not this is correct.. who knows.. but I do have standards don’t you know..

After this excitement it was time for one of the best moments of the evening a time piece burger... o holy moly is this the food of the gods... the drunk, I need food, anything I eat will taste a million dollar gods.. maybe... but by gosh was it good at 3am on Sunday morning... In to a car when we dropped a friend of in Alphington.. To who I would like to now apologies after apparently Posh Girl Matilda as my personality was for the evening came out in true style after explaining I couldn’t go in to Alphington because I hadn’t had my shots and I have only had my Hep A and B done and definitely needed a C before we entered that region of Exeter I felt maybe I was little mean... much to the delights of the rest of the car... So.. SORRRY.....

Sunday morning/lunchtime/evening/night time..... i thought i was actually dying...

So quickly just want to thank everyone who came on Saturday it was amazing to see you all some of you were very missed.... VTT, AK and Flannel... you know who u are...

Also I would like to point out I went out with only £15... and came back with £20..... Yes this is a making of a successful evening... Fingers crossed I didn’t go missing for 20 minutes down a back ally with a man called Mamorad ... that could make things very awkward... Thankfully I think I probably just stole it of some poor suspecting person...

362 Days till my Birthday!

So.... only 362 days and a quarter till my 24th Birthday.. just keeping everyone posted on that little note...

My birthday was on Monday and I had a lovely day... was spoilt rotten with presents like... A Mulberry handbag (the new reason why I get up in the morning.. who needs a man when I have a Mulberry... I don’t think I have any more love to give to be honest), a hot water bottle.. Not been to bed with out it since Monday, A few sharp knives.. Not letting B near them as the last sharp knife she got near she almost took of her finger.., Some great jewellery, and a few other bits and pieces.. There was however a theme …. everyone one of my cards bar some involved Drinking/hangovers/drunks... are people trying to tell me something.. highly probable.. Anyway had a great day including leaving work early, having a family meal with the fam, Almost setting my parents house on fire whilst having meat Fondue.... (yes how terribly 70s of us).. However by 9pm i was knackered and ready for bed.. proper 5 year old situation where i got so over excited about the day by the end i was so tired i wanted my bed and nothing else... till more presents turned up !!!

Other than that the excitement of mon anniversaire not alot has happened.. however I have suddenly begun to notice im pretty sure im the only single person out of my friends... as its getting a little weird.. i.e.. 3rd or 5th or 7th wheel tagalong.... hello the loser in the corner who no one fancies... HELLO that would be me... Brilliant...

The dating has had a little bit of a dip... although i was meant to have a date tonight with a Doctor.. i know.. exciting but he hasn’t actually been in contact for about a week... so im going to say its not going ahead.. do you know what im doing instead.... it is tremendously exciting... Going to Sainsbury’s... o and putting some washing on... I no I no... the rock and roll life of a 23 yr old... Who cares about Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll any more.. its all about Food shopping, Washing and some Lionel Richie with Dancing on the ceiling... or even... you've lost that love in feeling by the Righteous Brothers.... (a great song.. you tube it)

I have this fear/nightmare i actually am going to end up alone... ill be the spinster sister my brother and sister have to invite over at Christmas and take it turns to have me because I smell of moth balls and sherry... or better yet white lighting.. (is that what the cider is called)... and ill just live in my little two up two down house with 400 tortoises who ill end up putting down for hibernation and then dying and no one remembering the tortoises in April... o imagine ... just be awful...!!!!

ANYWAY.... I will at least die happy and with my mulberry handbag... we all have to be thankful for something don’t we...

He's Back....

Now those you that read my blog (that has been slightly none existent recently I am trying to get back into ... and as soon as something exciting other than me getting up, going to work, going home, sleeping. happens... ill inform you)

However... You'll never guess who ive just got a e-mail off on my dating website... no sadly it wasn’t Johnny Depp or Chesney Hawks... it was the weirdo man who asked me if I wanted some NSA fun.. (and no this has nothing to do with NASA as I first thought... apparently two totally different things)... Its the 33year old married man who can only do some "fun" during certain times of the week... Sadly his e-mail was not as fun as last time... but more a " Hi.. How are you, ? What you up to later?" kind of e-mail.... however call me weird but I checked out his profile again... not only has he still got on there that he is still married... good man at least he’s not lying... but there has been a new bit added which i felt you should all hear.... Bare with .. ill just copy and paste.... 

"Hello there.
Im a good looking man searching for a woman or couple.
Im open minded and like to have a nice time.
I like meeting new, crazy, free, open minded people
with whom we can have great fun.
Im looking for casual fun...only Exeter ! :)
I love fun, sex... Daytime fun ? O yes !
Sometimes i can accom, but i preffer your place.
Girls and couples -more than welcome. "

Now doesn’t he sound a dream… I really don’t know why I didn’t respond to the last e-mail… I love how he might be looking for a couple altho im kind of missing a vital half .. also why look for a couple on a singles website... no one else think thats a tad weird… I actually almost want to respond to see what kind of weird man he is… he obviously thinks quite a lot about himself.. Crazy being one of the words he uses to describe himself… If I go missing in the next 24 hours please let the police know about this man!!! Cheers..

One of my favourite bits is how he lets people know he can sometimes accommodate (I believe that is the word he is trying to spell.. highlighted in blue for those of you wondering) but really he would prefer to come to the women’s house..

Anyway I thought I would let you all in to the dream that is this man…

On other news.. Rocket the tortoise is going into hibernation so we will see him again in april next year.. weird hey… ive also had a few e-mails from a couple Royal Marines… im thinking steer clear myself… but I do love a good uniform.. !!!!! tricky.

And quickly just to add.. ITS MY BIRTHDAY ON MONDAY … just incase any one has forgotten… I take presents in the form of this wrapped.. please address to Lady Matilda Knowles… The posty knows where I live!

Awkward Starfish

Hi all.. sorry about the lack of blogging.. then again not sure who really reads this so I could just be talking to myself.. no difference there then!

Been super busy recently and my feet have barley touched the ground.. yet now i think back not really sure what i have been doing..!! Brilliant the out timers has already set in and im only 22… which by the way… im 20 days of being 23.. if you have spoken to me in the last month however you will know this by now… For some reason all my life I get really over excited about my birthday … I think its mainly because one year my parents brought my Babies house and it was hidden behind there curtains because it was too big to wrap.. gosh that was the best present I think ive ever had.. it had a pink lift and everything!! And since then.. the excitement comes back.. Weird hey!.

Right lets do this in sections..

Dating  - Going ok.. No love of my life just yet apart from my secret lovers Bertie and Pablo… but I seem to still be going out and meeting people which I think is a good start. I am about to take myself of Singlefriend.com as ive had next to nothing on there apart from a few people who have all seemed lovely enough but 4 e-mails in 3 months… maybe I really am a troll… (no one answer that!!)… but they have been a rather expensive 4 e-mail…But like I say been on a few dates.. Cancelled a few dates due other situations arising that couldn’t be swapped so really need to sort that out. Been on three dates with one guy but doesn’t really seem to be going anyway as I believe his lack of contact probably means he has worked out im a bit of a troll.. but still good experiences and all that.. got a free pizza out of it… bargain !! 

Other than that still on the old dating websites and seeing what’s out there.. as usual there are some nice guys and as always there’s the weirdo’s who im sure sit in there plastic macs at there computer thinking they should be gods gift to women and every women should fawn at them when they say things like.. “wanna see my….pen” (ill make this child friendly, my mother does after all sometimes read this).. or another good one was… “you have beautiful eyes but I bet when we meet its not your eyes ill be looking at “… to be honest the fact I don’t fall over myself to hand out my mobile number and address to these people is beyond me… imagine I could be shacked up in some mobile home with 6.8 kids by now… shocker..

Life – life in general is going well .. Still living away from home which I think is a massive surprise to everyone.. im even doing my own laundry.. yes I know spoilt little rich girl… but I am at least trying.. even if I can’t get my whites whiter than white like my dear mother however shes got years of practice on me… and the way the datings going I don’t think ill be showing any one my slightly grey underwear for a while yet!.. I have also started back at the gym… now as I say this I mean ive been twice this month.. and once was yesterday so starting back might be a bit optimistic but hey… twice is better than nothing.. Other good news my dad has finally had the all clear on his vitals which is the first time since his heart attack which will actually be a year on Thursday so this is brilliant news and he has recently been on top form… This weekend my sister and her boyfriend came down to see us and we were all in the boat as P went.. “ tills come to the front of the boat and tell me about your life love,”… Dad… “well that wont take long,” (thanks dad for the support there… thankfully he was slightly deaf at the point I responded… “yer only about 9 months,”… only person who heard me was Ps boyfriend who I think gave a little chuckle)… other than this comment … later in the evening as were leaving supper and I was going to meet some friends for a drink, we left the restaurant as dad went… “ be in bed by 10 tills…. Your own bed,”… um thanks dad.. so at the beginning of the day my love life was so dire even to my own father that I could of shouted the news from one end to the other on the boat within 3.2 seconds and then by then end of evening im some sort of man eater… Cheers pops… got to love him though..

Part form all this I haven’t really been doing a lot other than seeing friends, going to the cinema, pub, and the odd trip to the gym.. I know exciting times..

Now quickly in regards to the title of this blog… sadly not to many awkward moments have happened recently … surprising I know.. however this is my new favourite thing to do in a awkward moment…

When you are in a pub, on the street.. where ever you might be and a awkward moment arises and that awkward silence starts to descend on the group you should… awkward starfish.. where  you stand like a starfish with a awkward look on your face.. sadly this isn’t as fun writing it as it is doing it… so please test for your test….

Are You For Real....

I felt this e-mail that I have just received off Plenty of fish.com should really have its own personal blog... The best yet..

Now ladies I don’t want you to be jealous because this bad boy is mine!!!

He is ... 33 and... Married.. Brilliant off to a great start.. However he use of words are some what poetic..

"Hallo Pretty Woman :)

How are you today ? :)
If you are looking for nsa fun... please let me know. :))
Especial if you are free today (friday) daytime...
Im really horny and will be really happy to come and see you :)

Im handsome, good looking man, you will be more than happy - i can promise :)"
Yes ladies that’s right.. I have been offered some good time fun..

Now i know sometimes i might seem a little desperate.. and yes im not the best at being single.. and yes ive had a few.. misdemeanours should we say... but seriously.. did... Retexe.. really think i was going to respond... Why hello there good looking.. Yes lets have some good fun times.. and im sure you’ll be happy to .. come see me..

YOU DIRTY OLD PERV.... (not me... then again... ok im not that old..)

Hope everyone having a good day.. Told you this internet dating would be a hit!!!....

P.S – Does any one know what NSA means… I don’t want to seem young and naive here but… not got a clue.. (first time I read it I thought he was asking about NASA.. could of been awkward..)

Whats your favourite kind of Cheese...?

Just worked out that its been a while since I been on here and so thought I should get back track a bit..

Not alot is that new at the moment. Still living away from home its been 3 months now and im pretty impressed with myself as are my parents I believe... I am however horrible poor… and yes I do sometimes go home for a bit a laundry service when I work out I actually have no clothes left.. I like to think my mother needs something to do.. she does miss me after all...

what else is new.. o I went on a bit of a date with someone from MSF.com first one done and dusted..... all was good I am still alive.. He wasn’t a mass murder or some weird o in a full length leather jacket... so in all I think this is a big positive..

Also got another few in the pipe line but I seem to be pretty busy at the moment so finding time is causing a bit of a problem but im thinking September will be the month to get really into it…. Also I might not have any money left and have to go on dates to be able to eat that day!

Had quite a funny few new e-mails off people.. One of which his opening liner was... what’s your favourite kind of cheese?? um... ok!!

Now also what is the protocol on replying to e-mails.. I don’t often send e-mails but if someone didn’t respond I might be a little put out but I barely ever respond to most  of the e-mails.. Should I?? Even the ones that ask me if I like a older man .. Looked at his profile and he was 52... um... thanks but your the same age as my parents... but should I respond.. Would he feel hurt because I haven’t replied... Tricky Tricky Tricky..

So a few weird e-mails ive had that I haven’t responded to because I wouldn’t be surprised if they did have slightly murderous tendencies... one simply said... "your perfect"... um... ok... obviously don’t have high expectations of someone if you think im perfect... want me to show u the bump on my neck or the fact I am the clumsiest person I know!!

Another one simply left me his mobile number....... um ok... little scary as how does he not know I have slight murderous tendencies... I might not be a mass murderer but I have had my bunny boiler moments.. maybe I should send some weird txt messages... o wait.. That really is weird.. Moving on...

This weekend I was in Cornwall and had my first real conversation (may only have been 5 words long but still..) with C.. I was very proud of myself and like the fact I want to start being on the friends side of things.. so fingers crossed next time it might even be a 6 worded conversation... still better than nothing.... and I was pretty drunk all weekend and could get my hands on bottles, flour, ect ect.. so lets be honest could of gone a lot worse.

Anyway just a little up-date for you all... Don’t forget tomorrow is lonely hearts ... might find me the man of my dreams... I wonder if that one who was looking for some to go on Coach holidays and bingo nights is still available!!!

Funday 2011....

First things first.. sorry to ruin the surprise for those of you that either A haven’t been on Facebook and for some reason missed all activity regarding Funday this year or B you have no idea what im talking about ... However... WELL BLOODY DONE PLUME TEAM...

Right first things first.. Those of you that don’t understand what Funday is.. here is a small explanation.. (a little like that song Scotland is... )

Portscatho Funday is..... Amazing, Drunken, Naked, Fish, Flour, Robin Edwards Dressed as a women.., Most men dressed as women, Simon Holman’s hair looking better than anyone else’s, Drunken, Dancing, Dancing in the street, Games, More nakedness, More alcohol, Eating..., Small children dancing, More games, Throwing up... you get the gist..

Anyway over Friday night to Sunday afternoon the terrific Committee team of Funday think up 9 Horribly disgusting games for teams to participate in.. Each game will include one or more of the following.. Alcohol (normally a boat race of some kind), Eating (actually edible food... should you believe it), Nakedness, 10 day old fish, Running, Flour, A obstacle course and possibly more drinking and eating.. After 4 fundays i allowed myself to sit out of a team this year... although i think i was always only in a team for plain amusement value.... this year i left that up to my darling elder brother...

Friday .... The Games started with a boat race with a twist where each team had to unpack a suitcase of clothes.. put them all and the down a pint... nice and simple.. you would think... until you work out you have a pair of shoes for a toddler... well done orange team there.. well planned!!!!

Then the eating games.... Cold cottage pie with added sprouts, grapes, cherries and other lovely things, Followed by a trifle.. with added white bait.... and then to finish a chilli jelly through a straw... Delish.. (sounds a little like easy jet food anyway.. )

Followed by a bit of a dance.. now I don’t want to shout about it.. but my dance moves are sometimes pretty amazing.. lets be sure the lawnmower dance more did come out and about... managed to walk home just about with our party of people where we then picked at our cold supper and I managed to pass out...

8am on Saturday... no one was looking pretty... pink paint was covering everything from sheets to body parts.. (pink being our team colour which we were helping supporting where the plume team) ...

Games began at 10:30 however we managed to miss the start time and went for a rather damp walk around St Mawes... by midday we were at the football ground watching the last of the second games finish which involved a plane ... don’t ask.. However the drinking began here as it was a £1 for a can of beer or cider and it was mandatory everyone was drinking.... Brilliant

Third games was involving a human hamster wheel (told you the games were pretty intense) you had to stand inside roll down a slight hill as a pair, then out over some ramps, up the other side of the field on a 2 man bouncy ball, then over some bars and back to the beginning and the next pair went..

More drinking followed on after this game and a little walk back down to the village which wasn’t great if you were wearing flip flops.. que me a very muddy slidey steep path and holding on to roots of trees for dear life as a man at the bottom shook my cider whilst going… “come on tilly… come on… “ like a  little dog!! Thanks..

Game 6 occurred on the beach where you had to lie on a wooden sun lounger whilst one picked it up and rolled u into the sea fully clothed back up the beach and then ring out your clothes and collect as much water as possible… each team were also allowed a towel.. again much easier for teams with real towels… que Orange team with there flannel!! Well done oranges…

A LOT of nakedness occurred… (you did get added bonus points for being naked.. however not sure I had had quite enough to drink at this point... please see below)

Game 7 involved the fish… Ling on a string was back…(see below) If you don’t know what a ling is it’s a gigantic eel about the same length as a large toddler.. 5 of these where then tided to a bit of string… and were so old they had to be stitched up as they were beginning to fall apart!! These where then passed up and under your clothes followed by eating crab pate on dry weatabix and then downing some ale through small straws while sat in something that looked like sick… HMMM….

Everyone then proceeded to get drunker and drunker.. brilliant just before the parade… que a lot of people turning up at my house for dressing and make up… never before did I think I would make boys look like such good slutty airhostess.. but I managed it… blue eye shadow.. too much blusher… red lippy… they were looking hot!!

Once walking through Portscatho dressed in very inappropriate clothing and drinking turbo pims but the bottle … we all had a very good night.. a lot of dancing in the street, old school songs, a land rover that looked like it was either A dancing or B about to brake its suspension as the flat bed it was pulling was being danced on by a lot of people.. Followed by a rather brilliant Portscatho social club disco..

After not remembering a lot I woke up at friends house fully clothes at 8am on Sunday morning… thanks very much my gillyman for the lending on your spare room… the only thing I really remember is making a super spicy pizza that I pretended was fine whilst my mouth was on fire…and being picked up by a man in the kitchen… strange very strange…

I would like to tell you what happened on Sunday but in all honesty I cant remember as I thought I was going to die for most of the day!!! The main importance was my brother swallowing a wasp and then being stung in the back of throat… once pumped full of drugs was back on the drink… That’s my brother.. Good work!!!

Anyway 2 more games took place… and the pink team… the team the Knowles + extras were supporting won.. so well bloody done all in your efforts in… now throwing up, drinking to much, getting naked, and genially being the best bloody team there was..

OVER AND OUT…

Theres always more fish in the sea.... or is there..

Hi all..

Keeping you up-dated on the whole on line dating number i thought i should fill you in on my newest on line dating game.. Plenty of fish... Seriously i swear about a month ago i was to nervous to sign up to any on-line dating sites and now i seem to be the queen of them..

Anyway ... ive decided that if you haven’t got friends you can't be on Mysinglefriend.com - so you go to match.com.. and if you really struggle there you go to plenty of fish.com which mainly consist of weirdo’s, pervs and old men.. Fantastic.. i don’t know if any of you know my type.. but im a big fan of all these characteristics... seriously if a 67 year old, dirty old man came up to me and whispered .. "alright love fancy a dirty quickie behind these here bins...(that would be my attempt of a Devonshire accent there)" by gosh would my knees just tremble at the thought... then again.. maybe not..

To give you a little preview of what i mean .. I joined plenty of fish yesterday after i gave my self a little talking to.. if i want to get back in to the dating game i have to do it full heartedly and to be honest im a little bit still on the fence.. so now im full guns blazing type number..

Anyway back to the point in hand... i joined yesterday and i have already had.. 59 e-mails... yes... apparently i am a hotty on plenty of fish.. or is that i actually have 2 eyes, my own hair, and some knowledge of the English language.. only some.. but more than others.

Anyway to show you the love i have so far received here are a select few ... my favourites.. some of which i really think i could go the distance with...

"i loved ur smile.....can i borrow ur smile...:)" - This is from a man who apparently thinks he is 28... 45 might be a more accurate account.. but i like how he’s trying.. sadly he’s not for me..

“Hello miss sexy :) do I fancy a chat x" - I like this one because he isn’t asking me if i would like to chat to him.. he’s telling me... a firm hand... Then again.. maybe now.. What is it with the smiley faces also...!!!

And then possibly my favourite so far.. just says everything he wants to in a few letters..

“Fancy a look at my 9 inch penis??” Brilliant… I cant believe I ever thought of not responding to this….. apparently he is 29 and lives in Tiverton… however no photo.. probably means he has a face like the elephant man and if he does have 9 inch penis it was probably because of some slight deformity..

There has been a few ok e-mails but mainly just of people saying “hi babe” or “ how are you”..

The hardest thing I think is I have No idea what im looking for.. if that makes sense.. My normal type are 6ft, My age, and normally in the military .. and im kind of change out of that scene a little as I feel I need to branch out and experience a different type.. and its kind of been working.. the few guys I have met who don’t fit all these requirements I still get on well with.. so here a hoping.

Not a lot else going on… big weekend in Topsham where I may have actually picked my liver slightly so im having a week of staying in and being boring apart from Girls night tomorrow, seeing friends on Friday, and Cornwall on Saturday for the weekend… Cricky..

And yes you heard right im venturing off to Cornwall.. first time since Easter but I think I am now finally safe to venture back down to my favourite village that is The Scath…

Already a little nervous about seeing people but im sure I will be fine… Positive thinking gets you along way I’ve heard so im sticking to that for the time being.

One day I will post on here… Im happy, Got someone who loves me, and my life is sorted… however till then… god knows what will happen…

4th August ....

Today would of been mine and C's 4 year Anniversary ... obviously if we had still be together.. Bit of a strange day really and the only reason I remember it is because the day we got together is also his mothers birthday..

I still remember the day pretty well.. I was working behind the bar in our local pub in " The Scath" called The Plume it was the graveyard shift and no one was around... Obviously I was trying to look super cool as I kind of fancied the scrub boy.. C.. anyway he wasn’t actually working that day but was usefully cycling through the pub as it was pretty empty... around and around he went.. all I was thinking most of the time was.. "he's got a pretty good bum,"

Anyway that night we were all off out for a night out in Falmouth…there would be Me, C, and 2 of my gfs H and T.. Off we all went in T's little Ford KA and got to Falmouth.. After quite alot of drinks later.. we all ended up in Rems in Falmouth... C was buying us all quite alot of drinks and im pretty sure this is the night where my love for black sambucca vanished... anyway.... Whilst on the dance floor I was slightly attacked by a man in fancy dress.. if you can call it that... he was wearing.. slimy slick leggings, bare chest and a pink feather bower... ATTRACTIVE.. Don't no why didn’t just jump his bones right there and then.. anyway he kept trying to dance with me and C saw that I wasn’t practically impressed so came over .. picked me up.. and moved me to another area of the dance floor... possibly this was where the attraction really started..

Anyway got home and most of the car journey home we were holding hands.. apart from when he stopped T on the dual carriageway to steal a flashing orange light he quite liked the look of.. anyway.. got home.. he walked me home.. and bobs your uncle...

What followed was a fantastic 3 and half years and I loved him with my whole heart.. ill always hold something for C because we had been through a lot including universities, Training for the marines, Afghanistan, Travelling, .. .. I still remember the night we told each other we loved each other the night before I had a migraine and he wrote it on my back … however thankfully I feel like im coming through the other side.. I've made more friends in the last 4 months than I have done in the last 4 years put together, and ive started to try and start dating again.. not that its being very successful ... I like to think im just a slow starter in the dating game although there has been certain people who have really helped and made the transition alot easier and for that I will be forever great full...

Now.. Once today is over.... On with my life.... all rather exciting isn’t it....

22 Years of..... well nothing

I'm 22 years old am I have achieve exactly NOTHING in my life…. Rhianna is 22 and has dominated the world, Some people are millionaires, some people have helped the save a life of loved one, Some have genially found the love of there life, settled down and had kids.. I have kept a tortoise alive for 2 years.. and most of that has been down to my mum.. so really its not even a achievement..

I have the normal 10 GCSE's I guess for me that was achievement as I still remember my mother saying to me the night before the results.. " now darling lets just chat about what might happen if you don’t get 5 grade C's and above... here’s what you could do...." I also have 3 half decent A levels.. even if they are in the most obscure subjects... although I have a feeling some pretty heavy flirting in some of the subjects helped slightly towards my grades..

I dropped out of University, I couldn’t keep a relationship together where we saw each other approximately 3 times every 2 months.. at most, I have no idea what to do with my life that seems to just be disappearing.. is it me or are weeks and months getting a lot quicker now..?...

Sorry for this little rant but having a odd day... tonight I believe will go 1 of 2 ways... i will go home, curl in to a ball, drink a bottle of wine and have a little cry... or i will go see some girlfriends and do exactly the same thing to them.............. or i just need to snap out of it..

Other things that have happened recently -

Sent C a txt the other night... I thought I would be proactive thing to do and try to get connections going in the old friends dept .. I didn’t get a response.. should of known really... he never replied when we were together why would he reply now to the crazy ex gf......

I have actually sent some e-mails on Match.com.. i know be impressed.. and even got some replies.. so ill keep you up-dated..

That is pretty much me at the moment... ill let you know how the crying and bubbles go later...

Starting Conversations

Now .. if you know me im not one for being shy when it comes to being forward. Im often making friends in unlikely situations or even just down the pub when I would accidently pour a drink over myself or the neighbouring person…. some of my best friends were found this way!

 Anyway.. since ive started this whole internet dating number and had little to no response on MSF.com and scarily a bit to much attention from Match.com with people called psycho1 with no photo….   (im blaming the fact that I just don’t present well over the internet, or everyone looks at my profile and thinks... um... no wonder she needs to be on the internet..) either way.. its not exactly what I thought it would be like... I have recently been talking to a few people regarding this fact and how terribly disappointed I am in the fact that so far I haven’t been on 100 dates and got 47 marriage proposals and 16 mulberry handbags filling up my wardrobe... however no such luck! (sadly its still the primarny special handbags filling up my wardrobe) ..

Anyway back to the reason for this blog.. My friends have decided the reason im getting no where is because im not starting up any conversations and really its a two way game on the internet.. Which I get but at the same time .. What on EARTH do you write to start a conversation... You want to be more original than simply writing.. HI.. on a e-mail but also at the same time you don’t want to write.. "hi  im Tilly, 22, looking to be married by the time im 27/28 and preferably a baby pretty soon after, you also have to be.. tall, good-looking, prepared to put up with my randomness and like a good bottle of something.. also a few million in the bank account wouldn’t hurt either... "..... hmm not sure how well that would go down... Nor if you wrote.. " hi recently single looking for THE ONE... and if your not it and brake my heart i will become a bunny boiler and put a horses head in your bed..." Again not something boys go for one feels...

So... ideas on how to start writing to total strangers in the hope they might decided this slightly Fugly.. (haven’t used that word in years.. now a little sad about the fact I haven’t.. if you have seen Mean Girls the film you will totally understand where im coming from.. however if you are new to this word its a mixture of Fat and Ugly... which oddly enough if you write Tilly on a txt message with predictive txt and miss off a L it spells ugly.. great) girl might actually be alright and a bit of a laugh... ooo god im now getting into the.. She has a great personality section again...!!!

Totally just going to start using the old age saying... All the good guys are.. Taken or Gay.. !!

Dating...

Hello one and all

Now today has been a bit of a interesting one as I may have accidently have gone out last night for 1 drink.... 5 bottles of pink fizz later shared between myself and B ... lets just say its not been a pretty sight today.. infact most of the day has been spent with me downing drinks and slurring my way around work.. brilliant people now think im a alcoholic.. i wouldn’t be surprised if tomorrow my director brings me in a AA leaflet as he was the one who pointed out the slurring... Awkward... obviously i then noticed it and did it more because i was trying not to slur.. brilliant.

Anyway bit of good news today is my friend C has put me on to a new blog and its hilarious im already becoming a avid reader of hers and ive only started following today its called 52datesin52weeks.. Perfect. Also hoping i can learn some bits of her in the whole on-line dating scenario.. its also great to know im not the only one who seems to attract the toad/drunk/old man type of men on these websites... Also im going to steal some of her style and let you know some messages that i have been sent.

Starters.. im now on My Single Friend .com as well as Match.com... yes i have broadened my horizons in a good effort to see if there is a decent man out there... or at least a multi millionaire who wants me as a wife!

Anyway.... Recently on match.com i seem to get a lot more attention than on single friend.. possibly because match.com seems to be where all the ones who don’t have friends to put them on mysinglefriend go...

So here are a few who have e-mailed me on Match.com ... the Special few.. Altho those of you that have seen me recently know that know one will take the place of Moley my favourite man off Mysinglefriend.. Beep Beep..

Anyway here we go... :-

Him : - HI

Ok yes this was all i got... Original.. Biggest problem i had with this was he was 59... thanks love but no thanks.. i think my dad would have something to say as they possibly share the same birthday.

NEXT

Him :- u sound a gt and up go person who lves the thril of the chase what star sign r u

Ok... now first... yes i have copied this message down correctly as i actually copied and pasted from my e-mails... First does anyone actually know what this says?? If you do, can you let me know that would fantastic.

Ive also had e-mails off a lovely Portuguese man... great part from the long distance.. can u imagine the first date.. more like first date and holiday all thrown in together.. not awkward at all then... Hello im Tilly, you must be Mario...
There has also been a 68 year old who wanted me to take his compatibility test... now love i can shave us both a lot time here and just let you know this aint going to work.. but thanks anyway...

Anyway there are just a few of the men that I could one day end up with…. Well its either that or I become some sort of weird Tortoise women… gosh one has got some fun to look forward to ..

50 First Dates

Sadly this tile isn’t as exciting as it sounds. For one I've never been on a real date let alone 50.. So sorry to disappoint.

Now there is no need to judge as I write this sat on my sofa under my duvet whilst watching 50 first dates the movie.. I’m not sure why but I love this film.. its a bit of and odd one but if I ever want to watch a film and just not even think about what is going on, out comes this film from my DVD collection.

So.. News.. not a lot going on at the moment...

So far MSF (my single friend.com) hasn't come up with a multi millionaire, 26 year old, beautiful man who is looking for a slightly chubby 22 year old girl who has no idea what she wants to do with her life. Instead ive had some interesting 44 year olds… which however lovely probably aren’t in the price bracket I’m looking for. Although another problem is when you have feelings for someone already anyway its kind of hard to date even though you need to get out there and see what’s about, because I know it will never be how I want it to be…

Another new thing that has started to bother me slightly.. what do I want to with my life. When I was little I guess I always thought I would know what I wanted to do when I got to being a adult and suddenly here I am.. a adult and no idea what I want to do... Mum once was looking for jobs for me and saw a advert for a escort service looking for new escorts... mum thought this would be a good idea.. when I asked why her response was that it would be easy money and it would just be taking little old ladies to the cinema or out for a meal. I had to try and explain to her that actually a escort was a posh prostitute so possibly not the best career path for me.. although if I did want to follow this path least I have the right name as I’m named after one in the Rod Stewart song..

Anyway this is just some thoughts ive been having today. Although I have this sudden desire to do something a bit better with my life so I’m going to look into helping out with a charity or something. Will keep you posted..

The Clutz

So.... its become kind of apparent recently that im a little bit of a clutz.. I swear I never used to be…. then again..

Anyway a few things have happened over the last few days so I thought I should fill you all in on the weekend and a bit more.

I should probably start with Sunday as nothing very exciting happened before then.. Went out Friday got a little drunk, and then Saturday night spent the night totally relaxing watching " The English Patient" (still makes me cry even if I don’t watch the whole film) and a Chinese.. horribly naughty but then again.. They deliver..

Sunday......... 2:30pm sat on my sofa at home and B my flat mate rings.. " get in the shower, get dressed we are going for a drink," ... Right.. Possibly the quickest shower, washing of hair, changing of clothes ever done by myself. By 3 pm in the pub with a white wine spriz in hand... This is where it should of stopped... o no.. speed on 7 hours and you will find me and B in a pub singing Karaoke (Spice up your life by the spice girls) with the local Co-Op man..... we were a disgrace.. Not only did we Cackle our way through one pub to move on the next where we openly discussed things we should possibly a little louder than one would of liked.. and then on to another pub where the residence I can imagine hope they will never see us again..

some of the highlights of the night involved -
> B finding a bread roll and deciding it would be her dance partner for the night
> B making everyone else appreciate her bread roll
> Singing Spice up your life (i was posh spice)
> pouring a drink over my new phone so the keys now don’t work quite right ..
> Me and B thinking doing the Dirty Dancing lift would go down an absolute treat
> Falling over whilst attempting the Dirty Dancing lift, whilst scattering leaflets around the pub and giving myself a carpet burn up my elbow.
> BEEP BEEP  - (whilst commenting about a toad in a hole)
> B talking to a man about his car " I love a BMW me," Man " Its not a BMW," B " O well, I Still love BMW's".. AWKWARD
> Successfully getting home before 1am and with out being chased down the road with a pitchfork.

Monday was not a good day filled with hangovers and being horrible over tired.

Tuesday... All Tuesday consisted of was me being a clutz.. a massive one..

Somehow at one point I stood up from my desk, tripped over my own foot, took all the folders off my desk and then fell into the radiator... Seriously if I tried to do it again I wouldn’t have managed it.. its almost impossible.

Once I had sorted everything out I then got up to get something from the printer .. however on my return to my desk I managed to stand .. yes stand… in my bin... Now I have size 5 feet and my bin is kind of large so my foot fitted nicely in the bottom and wouldn’t come out... This would of been find had I been alone in the office but no... sat in front of my desk and in full view where some clients.. Brilliant.. how to now get foot out of the bin without them noticing as much as possible.. no no I went for the spin around fall over the scanner that seems to be hiding under my desk and fall into my chair whilst catching the arm ... Graceful as a elephant..

Somehow I managed to not take anyone out for the rest of the day..

However this morning I did do something special and for once.. the gods where with me as no one saw.. well I hope not.

Phone call at 7.30am from the rents to tell me to move my car as it was parked in the wrong place and I would get a ticket.. i threw on my jeans and a rather large hoody I seemed to have acquired but suitable for the job in hand as it meant I could hide my face and hair from the public moving around at this unearthly hour.. Got to my car .. moved my car... however whilst walking back to my house I managed to stand on drain that was A LOT slipper than I had expected and whilst wearing uggs with no grip... legs went up... bum went down... sat on the pavement like a small child with my legs in a V shape.. the fact I didn’t cry was one of a miracle.

Anyway .. this leads you up to now...

Tonight I am going to watch Harry Potter with my A and grab a bite to eat.. im sure ill do something slightly unusual as per norm.. Poor A its a surprise she still lets me out in public.

Carer

So someone recently (we wont name names..) told me I needed a Carer.. Now is this strictly true.. I am 22, I moved out of home, I can drive, I have good (if a little unusual) qualifications totalling in 3 A levels (something no-one thought possible, especially the teachers...just shows what a little leg and some cash can do for a girl.. JOKE) I also am the owner for a 4 year old tortoise who I have now owned for over a year and he’s still alive... This I think means I am very grown up.. I even own a lipstick!

However.. saying this... I do get myself to some unusual pickles which sometimes makes people stop and actually wonder what the hell I was A doing or B thinking... Also another weird thing is my closest friends I tell are no longer surprised when I tell them another story where I have somehow got myself in to a bit of a situation..

Some of the most recent stuff includes... within 3 seconds standing at the Co-Op Counter managing to drop all of the mail from work (I was heading to post box I wasn’t stealing them for some weird thing) and threw them over the shop, try and bend down to pick them up, flashed my knickers to the nice Co-Op man and then try and casually walk out of the shop whilst forgetting to pick up my ipod from the counter that was still attached to my ear and then losing the said ipod down a display shelf where the nice man who has now seen my knickers had to try and retrieve it whilst trying not to laugh the entire time.. I bet im now knickers girl in the Co-Op.. Seriously... HOW..!!

Went to the gym on Monday.. (I know...impressive) and im friends with my gym instructor (who happened to have seen me on Saturday afternoon….yes afternoon shoting black sambucca, tequila, and Jager... not great) Anyway we were doing a warm up exercise and I was kind of near her and we were doing "high knees" as she looked at me and went "Higher"... I automatically just went "hiya, you alright," thinking she was just saying hello to me...!!! awkward moment when she then had to stop the high knees as she was laughing so much and cue the rest of class eyeballing me..

So…. I Suppose there is some slight truth in the fact I might need a carer.. but lets be honest im much more entertaining without one… For instance I wouldn’t be able to try and make Laksa paste and think it’s a good idea to put a wooden spoon into the Magi mix whilst its still going (note to self never try this again), Fall over in the gym whilst coming out of a slightly over the top Lunge, Laugh so much tea comes out my nose (yes sadly this has happened), Flash my knickers at the nice drunk homeless man in Topsham (I seem to be doing this a lot.. ), and general other ridicules things I get up to daily…

Today I can so far announce I have only had one small misfortune… ok maybe two…. Been caught by people whilst wondering around the house in my knickers and a vest top at 8am this morning (another knickers incident) and accidently ringing a client who answered and I said “ Hello .. Mr Smith …” and the reply came back… “Mrs Smith”… Oppss…

Catch you all later…

A night in Topsham!

Well this weekend was a interesting one.. many things happened..

Firstly lets start of with the good news.. My Wife J came to stay on Saturday for some wifey time which was lovely and amazing to have her as I got to show off my new little house as well as the fact I am now notorious around Topsham.. well I like to think so.

I had work on Saturday morning so we met in Exeter at lunch time for a bit of a bite to eat followed by what was supposed to be a Mammoth shopping event.. I need a dress.. not any dress... an amazing dress that would make me look like Jennifer Lopez's fit younger sister.. !!! as you can imagine this didn’t materialise.. Anyway whilst sat down in the cafe having a good old catch up with the wife and local gossip from Portscatho I saw her carefully watch someone behind me it wasn’t till I looked around and saw the side/back of C... Haven’t seen C since the slight bunny boiler incident back in the Easter holidays.. and since then thought I was coming on a treat with whole moving on situation.. apparently my body had other ideas as the shakes took hold/slightly shouting at the nice waitress trying to take our order who I (pleasantly and politely) shouted at her to leave us for 5 minutes.. Thankfully J took hold of the situation and with in 15 minutes I was being fed and watered and brought back to normal. I think this was a Success no tears were involved.... plus the fact he didn’t see me as I was looking like some dirty, scruffy walrus of a person in my work clothes..

After the none shopping that then took place we ventured on home. Showed J my new home and then went back to the rents to raid there Tea supply.. at 5:00pm I decided this was a good a time as any to start the drinking.. met some friends including my B my flat mate for some serious drinking.. by 6pm we had already managed to shot black sambucca, jager, normal sambucca, tequila and anything else im sure we could get out grubby little hands on.. Once we had quite a few, we managed to persuade my brother to take us all boating to the Turf.. Again another successful trip apart from the fact us girls wanted pink bubbles but the nice bar man could only provide normal bubbles with blackcurrant if we really wanted it pink.. we did...

Once back on the boat and back home we ventured back into the Passage whilst me and b trying to give a outstanding performance of singing Turn Around Bright Eyes... this would have been brilliant has we A) both been able to sing, B) not drunk and C) new more words than just Turn Around Bright Eyes.. (sadly this was still before 11pm at night)

By the time me and J left the pub ventured back to mine for me to pick up a few items of clothes for the next day and ventured back to the rents house we bumped into another friend and ended up back at a bit of a house party.. Brilliant..

3am back at home whilst trying to cook something to sober ourselves up... sadly this should not be done whilst talking on the phone as im now sporting a nice burn across my wrist..

SUNDAY - ILL...

Darts farm was the way forward for a bit of a hangover cure.. however after a bit of flirting with the nice waiter and a free few drinks including Pimms and a little stroke of a mulberry handbag I was starting to feel slightly more human...

All in all a Fantastic little 24hrs with the wife..

Up-date on the whole internet dating... I have now had 2 e-mails from different men... both slightly outside my age bracket and 4 people who LIKE my profile.. however in one of the e-mails one comments how A (who wrote my paragraph) might deserve a drink .... does this mean that she deserves it because she made me sound too good... or that im not what im portrayed as... not sure..

Will keep you up-dated.. Got to kiss an awful lot of Frogs/Toads to get Prince Harry...

Its begun

I've only gone and bloody done it....

Finally after months of discussing the good and bad points about internet dating I am now a client of Mysinglefriend.com... Yes that’s right I am officially a ugly weirdo person that cant get a date anywhere else.. Joke

So.. just giving you all the heads up that every now and again (I hope because if I don’t it means that no one not even a murder/child snatcher/89 year old pervert is interested in me and to be honest I could be slightly offended by this) that I will be up-dating you on the progress of this little idea..

A my oldest and bestest has written a brilliant little paragraph about me and as per usual has been more than generous when it comes to what she thinks about me... then again if she had written I was a loud mouth, slightly fat, weirdo I might have had some strong words.. Thankfully she has written im a 6ft 2 run way model who has millions in her account... !! Im sure I could pull off the look easily... Then again. ….

Anyway... Got an e-mail last night after about an hour of having my account live and
guess what ... yes I got a hit.. someone added me to there favourites... que a night of wondering if he is a Johnny Depp lookalike or even possibly a Calvin Klein model... Sadly all of the above are a negative... Cue a 31 year old IT man... sadly he is slightly out of my age range... and as A said.. Got to kiss a lot of Frogs or Toads to find that prince..

Demolition

So...

Somehow I have managed to say safe and not do anything to ridiculous in a foreign county with V however 5 days into being home and I have some how managed to damage myself and other objects quicker than you can say demolition.

Friday night I went to The Passage Pub and met some friends ... ok so this accident might have been a little alcohol induced incident .. However I was txting and not paying attention and forgot about a step and totally twisted my ankle.. Thankfully know one saw else they might have pointed and laughed.. I liked to think I went down gracefully but we all know when drunk your ankle goes one way your body the other.. There is nothing graceful about this!! Anyway in a heap on the floor and with a pretty sharp pain running through my body I mange to hobble out of the pub to find my friends and brother.. who very usefully tells me that its already swollen and will be black before the night is out.. BRILLIANT - I then hobbled home in a not so happy move whilst swinging my leg like something out of treasure island.. I recon I could of made a good Long John Silver..

On Saturday night after one to many drinks again I managed to fall over on the same foot... great work.. also I should point out my foot now has a slightly black tinge to it and looks a little like I might have stuffed a tennis ball inside it....

Sunday I wake up to a very aching foot and a big black bruise on the back of my leg.... I have no idea where this came from!!!

Then Tuesday.... Last night I was a total idiot no way to explain it.. Sat on my sofa at home with my room mate having a chat whilst watching Luther on TV with my legs crossed.. I happened to have had a hot cup of tea resting in my knees and my phone in my hand... im sure you know where im going.. I managed to let go of my phone and then about a minute later realised I hadn’t felt it touch my leg.. looking down into my tea sat submerged other than the very top.. my phone!! however it didn’t quite register so I just carried on looking at it ... I can inform you it is total broken!! Who would of thought? However this isn’t the first time I have done this.. I also managed to submerge my last one in a pint of cider..


Coming soon… Internet Dating.. we have signed on up to Singlefriend.com and just waiting to have some bits finished before it all goes live… I am more than a little scared but at the same time pretty interested to see where it could lead… Do we think Prince Harry might be on there!!!

The return from Portugal

WE HAVE RETURNED...

Me and V have returned from our lovely little holiday in Portugal and I can happily report that neither of us are A married, B preggers with the unwanted child of a Portuguese man, or C been murdered.. However I can report that I have never embarrassed myself in 5 days as much as I have on this holiday.

So.. sit back, relax and have a little chuckle at our expense..

First things first.. I am very much a adult.. however apparently I shouldn’t be left alone in an airport terminal by myself.. not only did I think I was flying to Barcelona... (I was flying to Faro, Portugal) where I actually ended up walking in the direction of the gate for Barcelona that I remembered this... (yes another excellent Dyslexic mistake).. I also managed to be chatting on the phone in Duty free picked up some benefit make up and then wonder out of duty free... I then successfully snuck back in to actually pay for my purchases..

On the aeroplane sat next to a rather.. larger man.. he fell asleep and I tried to twist my body as my bum had fallen asleep however I had not acknowledging that the arm rest between us was up because he wouldn’t fit in the seat with it down so as I placed both hand on the two arm rested and lifted my body up to swivel..  the armrest went down cutting of the blood supply to the man.. I have never seen such a large man hit the roof of the plane in such a short space of time../ the filthy look he gave me whilst I tried to apologies rather too loudly forgetting to take out my ear phones.. Same man.. At landing.. (Wasn’t the smoothest landing of all time) I managed to get a little scared and then grabbed the large man who all ready hated me.. again I believe this took him by surprise and I think he thought I was giving him the come on...

However the best moment was in baggage... and for once it was not me making some ridiculous comment... next to me a girl and her boyfriend when on holiday and she turned him and said... " so where abouts are we Greece,"... the shame on her boyfriends face was perfect..

Met V and her mum at the airport and we took off to the apartment. Which was beautiful.
Next morning up bright and early for a full days sunbathing before taking Vs mum back to the airport.. Whilst in the pool there was a nice man and his child playing catch with a ball provided by the complex I believe.. Anyway 5 minutes later me and V slightly too toasty managed to lumber ourselves in to the pool.. Whilst swimming to the shallow end passing the said man and his son .. V found the ball and threw it at me.. I didn’t actually take in that it was V who had done this so when a ball landed on my head I swiftly picked it up turned around, waved at the nice man and said " Ops.. here you go' and threw it back at him... The look on his face was something of confusion and general bewilderment.. mainly because he thought some weird girl was trying to make him play catch with her.. whilst V slightly drowned as to laughing so much.

Another excellent moment by the pool was that it was pretty empty and only had a few people around the pool so me and V were then sunbathing topless .. however in the pool where 2 boys probably around our age and  did a lot of staring which me and v at the time found kind of funny… until the they took the 2 sun beds right next to us.. when there were 100s of free ones surrounding the pool…. At which point I look and V who looks at me and says slightly too loudly…. AWKWARD…

However other than just mainly embarrassing ourselves around the pool.. we made lots of friends.. well… maybe not.. we met some nice Irish girls who asked if there were Cows and Sheep in Devon.. bit weird! And a nice stalker man who watched us on our terrace.. V was slightly scared he was there to murder and rape us..!!

Another brilliant moment by me was… V and I were out for supper and a gorgeous fish restaurant over looking the beach .. there was a beautiful pink sky… and what I thought was a glorious sunset… so I took a photo!!!
V “Tilly what are u doing,”,
Me “taking a photo of the sunset, “
V “What sunset,”
Me “That sunset,”…
V “Tilly… that’s a light!! Like a street lamp..”!!! Oooo Dear.

Also apparently we don’t handle cocktails very well in foreign places.. after about 3 cocktails mainly consisting of pure vodka we found ourselves at 4am dancing in a bar with people averaging the age of 13… at which point V looked at me and told me she felt old.. so we left.. Whilst trying to disguise the fact we had 2 vodka cokes on us.. As u can imagine we did this very successfully…

Other tit bits of the holiday

–        V walking in to the ladies to find a man

–        Us having our photos taken in the toilets with a photo of Brad Pitt horribly drunk

–        Being told off when we tried to pour ourselves wine

–        V being confused when the waiter was joking about the fact they don’t do tables for 2

–        A very large man braking the sun bed around the pool

–        My handstand activities in the pool

–        The pretend tans

–        The cockroach we found in our room and then covered it with a glass

–        Watching v trying to catch said cockroach after drinking a bottle and half of vodka

–        Being drunk the next day

–        Trying to drive on the wrong side of the road

–        Hangovers in 34 degree heat

–        V’s chicken burger that looked like it had been sweated not cooked

In all it was a brilliant 5 days spent in the sun.. and we have already decided next stop… IBIZA… although im sure this might be even more dangerous.