Tuesday 5 July 2011

The return from Portugal

WE HAVE RETURNED...

Me and V have returned from our lovely little holiday in Portugal and I can happily report that neither of us are A married, B preggers with the unwanted child of a Portuguese man, or C been murdered.. However I can report that I have never embarrassed myself in 5 days as much as I have on this holiday.

So.. sit back, relax and have a little chuckle at our expense..

First things first.. I am very much a adult.. however apparently I shouldn’t be left alone in an airport terminal by myself.. not only did I think I was flying to Barcelona... (I was flying to Faro, Portugal) where I actually ended up walking in the direction of the gate for Barcelona that I remembered this... (yes another excellent Dyslexic mistake).. I also managed to be chatting on the phone in Duty free picked up some benefit make up and then wonder out of duty free... I then successfully snuck back in to actually pay for my purchases..

On the aeroplane sat next to a rather.. larger man.. he fell asleep and I tried to twist my body as my bum had fallen asleep however I had not acknowledging that the arm rest between us was up because he wouldn’t fit in the seat with it down so as I placed both hand on the two arm rested and lifted my body up to swivel..  the armrest went down cutting of the blood supply to the man.. I have never seen such a large man hit the roof of the plane in such a short space of time../ the filthy look he gave me whilst I tried to apologies rather too loudly forgetting to take out my ear phones.. Same man.. At landing.. (Wasn’t the smoothest landing of all time) I managed to get a little scared and then grabbed the large man who all ready hated me.. again I believe this took him by surprise and I think he thought I was giving him the come on...

However the best moment was in baggage... and for once it was not me making some ridiculous comment... next to me a girl and her boyfriend when on holiday and she turned him and said... " so where abouts are we Greece,"... the shame on her boyfriends face was perfect..

Met V and her mum at the airport and we took off to the apartment. Which was beautiful.
Next morning up bright and early for a full days sunbathing before taking Vs mum back to the airport.. Whilst in the pool there was a nice man and his child playing catch with a ball provided by the complex I believe.. Anyway 5 minutes later me and V slightly too toasty managed to lumber ourselves in to the pool.. Whilst swimming to the shallow end passing the said man and his son .. V found the ball and threw it at me.. I didn’t actually take in that it was V who had done this so when a ball landed on my head I swiftly picked it up turned around, waved at the nice man and said " Ops.. here you go' and threw it back at him... The look on his face was something of confusion and general bewilderment.. mainly because he thought some weird girl was trying to make him play catch with her.. whilst V slightly drowned as to laughing so much.

Another excellent moment by the pool was that it was pretty empty and only had a few people around the pool so me and V were then sunbathing topless .. however in the pool where 2 boys probably around our age and  did a lot of staring which me and v at the time found kind of funny… until the they took the 2 sun beds right next to us.. when there were 100s of free ones surrounding the pool…. At which point I look and V who looks at me and says slightly too loudly…. AWKWARD…

However other than just mainly embarrassing ourselves around the pool.. we made lots of friends.. well… maybe not.. we met some nice Irish girls who asked if there were Cows and Sheep in Devon.. bit weird! And a nice stalker man who watched us on our terrace.. V was slightly scared he was there to murder and rape us..!!

Another brilliant moment by me was… V and I were out for supper and a gorgeous fish restaurant over looking the beach .. there was a beautiful pink sky… and what I thought was a glorious sunset… so I took a photo!!!
V “Tilly what are u doing,”,
Me “taking a photo of the sunset, “
V “What sunset,”
Me “That sunset,”…
V “Tilly… that’s a light!! Like a street lamp..”!!! Oooo Dear.

Also apparently we don’t handle cocktails very well in foreign places.. after about 3 cocktails mainly consisting of pure vodka we found ourselves at 4am dancing in a bar with people averaging the age of 13… at which point V looked at me and told me she felt old.. so we left.. Whilst trying to disguise the fact we had 2 vodka cokes on us.. As u can imagine we did this very successfully…

Other tit bits of the holiday
        V walking in to the ladies to find a man
        Us having our photos taken in the toilets with a photo of Brad Pitt horribly drunk
        Being told off when we tried to pour ourselves wine
        V being confused when the waiter was joking about the fact they don’t do tables for 2
        A very large man braking the sun bed around the pool
        My handstand activities in the pool
        The pretend tans
        The cockroach we found in our room and then covered it with a glass
        Watching v trying to catch said cockroach after drinking a bottle and half of vodka
        Being drunk the next day
        Trying to drive on the wrong side of the road
        Hangovers in 34 degree heat
        V’s chicken burger that looked like it had been sweated not cooked

In all it was a brilliant 5 days spent in the sun.. and we have already decided next stop… IBIZA… although im sure this might be even more dangerous.

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