The Girls

Now I’ve written a blog regarding The Boys and who are mainly all my ex's... it was a long read I know and also I remembered one I had forgotten the other day as well!! ops.. o well im sure he's fine with it/forgotten who I am anyway so I think that’s fine. This blog is going to be about some of my oldest and favourite Girls..

A - A is my oldest friend.. I have known her since yr 5 when we both went to Manor House Primary School.. I can’t remember but I think I was put in charge of looking after her when she joined. One the first day I remember thinking.. Great the new girl.. And im pretty sure she was 6ft then.. Let alone now. One thing that was slightly strange however was how similar we looked... other than the fact she was literally shoulders and a head in height above me.. We both had those god dam awful haircuts that were pretending to be bobs and our parents trying to make us look cute which we didn’t pull off..  We were also both (god love her she will forgive me) on the chub a chub side.. There we were both slightly chubby with these god dam awful haircuts so as you can imagine we bonded. She was also pretty much the most intelligent girl in our class.. I was not.. I found great pleasure in sitting next to her whilst we did our weekly spellings on a Friday.. She was very nice and let me copy and in return I let her be my friend!!! Since the days of me cheating off her, baking in her mothers kitchen (went so wrong with the icing sugar they had to re floor the kitchen and I don’t think Poppy dog was ever the same again), and other such excitements.. Im glad to say she is still is my oldest and most dear friend. However we have slightly gone off her as she is no longer a short bobbed slightly chubby limbs a cimbo girl I believe my family have nicknamed her Bambi... now she’s a beautiful blond should be a model medical student.. i hate people like this.. and she’s nice.. !! seriously not sure why we are friends any more.. apart im taking it up as my task to be her Feeder.

G - G is... special. I first met her at a joint friends house before we started year 7 at our new school.. lets say this was more than a first awkward meeting in the way we barley said a word to each other  and you could see the parents wanting us to be best friends straight away.. however what we didn’t know was that we soon would be.. I have had some Fantastic times with G many of which I cant ever repeat... Ski holidays were some of our favourite awkward places including her falling off a chair lift .. sounds horrible but was hilarious.. watching it almost in slow motion as she tries to sit on the seat that someone else was already sat on and finds her self face planting the snow in a o so elegant Bridget Jones style.. I also found on the ski trips Gs love for Sherbet Lemon sweets mixed with cointreau. Apparently it helps the hangovers.. We have also had one or two misadventures on road trips.. normally these road trips were also meant to take a maximum of half an hour... normally around 4 hours later we would reach our destination.. many road trips have often contained things such as .. illegal wee stops, counting our way around roundabouts to make sure we get the right turning, crashes, police and firemen at the crashes, ect ect.. We also share a big love of Disney films, bacon sandwiches and cups of tea when we’re hangover.

R - R I have many a name for her in my nickname collection one of my favourites being Flannel... Me and R both found our selves a few years go with a spare few weeks of nothing to-do.. so what did we do.. packed out rucksacks and headed for Greece.. Hello sun... I had possibly some of the funniest weeks of my life on those beaches with her.. with some of the most ridicules antics possible.. including finding some amazing new best friends such as 89 yr old man either wearing NO swimming costume or a thong.. and lets just say.. a Prince Albert is something I NEVER want to see again.. we also had our own fun time of a new Come Dine With Me type programme as we sat at beach bars sipping our horribly expensive cocktails that were purely vodka whilst people had sex on the sun lounges in front of us.. the first night was horribly embarrassing and we just looked at each other giggled.. by the 4th night and a few vodkas in we were giving scores.. best out of 10.. was the underwear good enough? Technique? all was taken in to consideration. However one of the best nights/worse was meeting the Ausys.. although we did get free in to the club and into the VIP section and free drink all night.. but we don’t need speak any more about them. Other little adventures included.. almost getting 4 men arrested, trying to steal a moped, having a stalker, living in dog kennels, finding a gay Greek man who wanted us as house guests, and many more..

J - J is my Wife.. she claims to be other peoples Wives but really shes mine and only mine.. i just lend her out sometimes.. Its bit like being in an open relationship really... J is amazing.. and knows all my worst points and good points.. worst being the I cry at anything, I can't make a decision, and I cant say No.. my best parts im bloody cool to be around ... She has helped me through some pretty horrible times over the last few years and I know I wouldn’t of coped as well with out her especially over the time C was in Afghanistan when I practically lived on her Sofa and after we broke up. She’s also very useful in the fact she likes the odd gin and lunch at a pub.. 2 things we most certainly share in common.. she is also fantastic at saying No and making me make decisions /making them for me which is what I need from time to time.. i.e. the WIFE...

T - T I haven’t seen in a long old time because is off gallivanting the 7 seas which means im horribly jealous of her and when she does decided to come home I wont be speaking to her until she has no tan.. so really I will speak to her again some time next year.... I have none T since we were 15 and worked out we both shared a bit of a fondness in alcohol (and boys) .  We were also both being served when we most certainly shouldn’t have been.. although I loved how every summer and Christmas we would spend every night saying... Yup we will bring our driving license tomorrow night.. for 3 years running..!!! we were pretty spectacular. We have had some pretty rocky times including boys, girls, boats, you name it we will most certainly have experienced something to do with it.. I believe we were nicknamed The Terrible Two...however something tells me we wont have changed much now were in our 20's.

V- what on earth can I say about this one.. lets start with our nicknames first... Fanamatran and Banjango.. yes they are names of Vaginas.. The night we cam up with them we had a fun game of what else can you call a VJJ.. this has subsequently  become a good drinking game when on board sailing boats.. however don’t let the lovely man that is B play as he comes up with ones such as Fish market.. this is not pleasant and he was banned from the game..... me and V have technically known each other for about 7 years however it has only been in the last 2 we have become friends this was mainly after a night of a lot of vodka and one very warm can of diet coke ... and after cornering her in the bathroom, deciding we had to become best friends there and then we have been inseparable ever since... We are also terrible together.. which I like to think makes us amazing.. the amount of problems we cause when we are together is unreal….. im surprised we haven’t been kicked out of Portscatho by now.. or that we have been chased up the hill with pitch forks. We are also in about a weeks time are going on holiday together to Portugal.. the fact that anyone’s letting us go alone to a foreign country with out adult supervision is beyond me so it should be interesting.. we will either come back A) with no money, or luggage as would have been robbed but some nice chap we had just met on the beach, B) Married to some Portuguese man who might want a green card and we are just helping them out.. or C) We wont return.

Anyway these are my girls.. I have many more who I love to death but these 5 have got a rather special place in my heart.. and all have made me laugh to such extremes I couldn’t breath.... So actually if im ever found dead looking like ive been laughing.. hunt these 5 down and you'll find the murderer.