Dating...

Hello one and all

Now today has been a bit of a interesting one as I may have accidently have gone out last night for 1 drink.... 5 bottles of pink fizz later shared between myself and B ... lets just say its not been a pretty sight today.. infact most of the day has been spent with me downing drinks and slurring my way around work.. brilliant people now think im a alcoholic.. i wouldn’t be surprised if tomorrow my director brings me in a AA leaflet as he was the one who pointed out the slurring... Awkward... obviously i then noticed it and did it more because i was trying not to slur.. brilliant.

Anyway bit of good news today is my friend C has put me on to a new blog and its hilarious im already becoming a avid reader of hers and ive only started following today its called 52datesin52weeks.. Perfect. Also hoping i can learn some bits of her in the whole on-line dating scenario.. its also great to know im not the only one who seems to attract the toad/drunk/old man type of men on these websites... Also im going to steal some of her style and let you know some messages that i have been sent.

Starters.. im now on My Single Friend .com as well as Match.com... yes i have broadened my horizons in a good effort to see if there is a decent man out there... or at least a multi millionaire who wants me as a wife!

Anyway.... Recently on match.com i seem to get a lot more attention than on single friend.. possibly because match.com seems to be where all the ones who don’t have friends to put them on mysinglefriend go...

So here are a few who have e-mailed me on Match.com ... the Special few.. Altho those of you that have seen me recently know that know one will take the place of Moley my favourite man off Mysinglefriend.. Beep Beep..

Anyway here we go... :-

Him : - HI

Ok yes this was all i got... Original.. Biggest problem i had with this was he was 59... thanks love but no thanks.. i think my dad would have something to say as they possibly share the same birthday.

NEXT

Him :- u sound a gt and up go person who lves the thril of the chase what star sign r u

Ok... now first... yes i have copied this message down correctly as i actually copied and pasted from my e-mails... First does anyone actually know what this says?? If you do, can you let me know that would fantastic.

Ive also had e-mails off a lovely Portuguese man... great part from the long distance.. can u imagine the first date.. more like first date and holiday all thrown in together.. not awkward at all then... Hello im Tilly, you must be Mario...
There has also been a 68 year old who wanted me to take his compatibility test... now love i can shave us both a lot time here and just let you know this aint going to work.. but thanks anyway...

Anyway there are just a few of the men that I could one day end up with…. Well its either that or I become some sort of weird Tortoise women… gosh one has got some fun to look forward to ..

50 First Dates

Sadly this tile isn’t as exciting as it sounds. For one I've never been on a real date let alone 50.. So sorry to disappoint.

Now there is no need to judge as I write this sat on my sofa under my duvet whilst watching 50 first dates the movie.. I’m not sure why but I love this film.. its a bit of and odd one but if I ever want to watch a film and just not even think about what is going on, out comes this film from my DVD collection.

So.. News.. not a lot going on at the moment...

So far MSF (my single friend.com) hasn't come up with a multi millionaire, 26 year old, beautiful man who is looking for a slightly chubby 22 year old girl who has no idea what she wants to do with her life. Instead ive had some interesting 44 year olds… which however lovely probably aren’t in the price bracket I’m looking for. Although another problem is when you have feelings for someone already anyway its kind of hard to date even though you need to get out there and see what’s about, because I know it will never be how I want it to be…

Another new thing that has started to bother me slightly.. what do I want to with my life. When I was little I guess I always thought I would know what I wanted to do when I got to being a adult and suddenly here I am.. a adult and no idea what I want to do... Mum once was looking for jobs for me and saw a advert for a escort service looking for new escorts... mum thought this would be a good idea.. when I asked why her response was that it would be easy money and it would just be taking little old ladies to the cinema or out for a meal. I had to try and explain to her that actually a escort was a posh prostitute so possibly not the best career path for me.. although if I did want to follow this path least I have the right name as I’m named after one in the Rod Stewart song..

Anyway this is just some thoughts ive been having today. Although I have this sudden desire to do something a bit better with my life so I’m going to look into helping out with a charity or something. Will keep you posted..

The Clutz

So.... its become kind of apparent recently that im a little bit of a clutz.. I swear I never used to be…. then again..

Anyway a few things have happened over the last few days so I thought I should fill you all in on the weekend and a bit more.

I should probably start with Sunday as nothing very exciting happened before then.. Went out Friday got a little drunk, and then Saturday night spent the night totally relaxing watching " The English Patient" (still makes me cry even if I don’t watch the whole film) and a Chinese.. horribly naughty but then again.. They deliver..

Sunday......... 2:30pm sat on my sofa at home and B my flat mate rings.. " get in the shower, get dressed we are going for a drink," ... Right.. Possibly the quickest shower, washing of hair, changing of clothes ever done by myself. By 3 pm in the pub with a white wine spriz in hand... This is where it should of stopped... o no.. speed on 7 hours and you will find me and B in a pub singing Karaoke (Spice up your life by the spice girls) with the local Co-Op man..... we were a disgrace.. Not only did we Cackle our way through one pub to move on the next where we openly discussed things we should possibly a little louder than one would of liked.. and then on to another pub where the residence I can imagine hope they will never see us again..

some of the highlights of the night involved -
> B finding a bread roll and deciding it would be her dance partner for the night
> B making everyone else appreciate her bread roll
> Singing Spice up your life (i was posh spice)
> pouring a drink over my new phone so the keys now don’t work quite right ..
> Me and B thinking doing the Dirty Dancing lift would go down an absolute treat
> Falling over whilst attempting the Dirty Dancing lift, whilst scattering leaflets around the pub and giving myself a carpet burn up my elbow.
> BEEP BEEP  - (whilst commenting about a toad in a hole)
> B talking to a man about his car " I love a BMW me," Man " Its not a BMW," B " O well, I Still love BMW's".. AWKWARD
> Successfully getting home before 1am and with out being chased down the road with a pitchfork.

Monday was not a good day filled with hangovers and being horrible over tired.

Tuesday... All Tuesday consisted of was me being a clutz.. a massive one..

Somehow at one point I stood up from my desk, tripped over my own foot, took all the folders off my desk and then fell into the radiator... Seriously if I tried to do it again I wouldn’t have managed it.. its almost impossible.

Once I had sorted everything out I then got up to get something from the printer .. however on my return to my desk I managed to stand .. yes stand… in my bin... Now I have size 5 feet and my bin is kind of large so my foot fitted nicely in the bottom and wouldn’t come out... This would of been find had I been alone in the office but no... sat in front of my desk and in full view where some clients.. Brilliant.. how to now get foot out of the bin without them noticing as much as possible.. no no I went for the spin around fall over the scanner that seems to be hiding under my desk and fall into my chair whilst catching the arm ... Graceful as a elephant..

Somehow I managed to not take anyone out for the rest of the day..

However this morning I did do something special and for once.. the gods where with me as no one saw.. well I hope not.

Phone call at 7.30am from the rents to tell me to move my car as it was parked in the wrong place and I would get a ticket.. i threw on my jeans and a rather large hoody I seemed to have acquired but suitable for the job in hand as it meant I could hide my face and hair from the public moving around at this unearthly hour.. Got to my car .. moved my car... however whilst walking back to my house I managed to stand on drain that was A LOT slipper than I had expected and whilst wearing uggs with no grip... legs went up... bum went down... sat on the pavement like a small child with my legs in a V shape.. the fact I didn’t cry was one of a miracle.

Anyway .. this leads you up to now...

Tonight I am going to watch Harry Potter with my A and grab a bite to eat.. im sure ill do something slightly unusual as per norm.. Poor A its a surprise she still lets me out in public.

Carer

So someone recently (we wont name names..) told me I needed a Carer.. Now is this strictly true.. I am 22, I moved out of home, I can drive, I have good (if a little unusual) qualifications totalling in 3 A levels (something no-one thought possible, especially the teachers...just shows what a little leg and some cash can do for a girl.. JOKE) I also am the owner for a 4 year old tortoise who I have now owned for over a year and he’s still alive... This I think means I am very grown up.. I even own a lipstick!

However.. saying this... I do get myself to some unusual pickles which sometimes makes people stop and actually wonder what the hell I was A doing or B thinking... Also another weird thing is my closest friends I tell are no longer surprised when I tell them another story where I have somehow got myself in to a bit of a situation..

Some of the most recent stuff includes... within 3 seconds standing at the Co-Op Counter managing to drop all of the mail from work (I was heading to post box I wasn’t stealing them for some weird thing) and threw them over the shop, try and bend down to pick them up, flashed my knickers to the nice Co-Op man and then try and casually walk out of the shop whilst forgetting to pick up my ipod from the counter that was still attached to my ear and then losing the said ipod down a display shelf where the nice man who has now seen my knickers had to try and retrieve it whilst trying not to laugh the entire time.. I bet im now knickers girl in the Co-Op.. Seriously... HOW..!!

Went to the gym on Monday.. (I know...impressive) and im friends with my gym instructor (who happened to have seen me on Saturday afternoon….yes afternoon shoting black sambucca, tequila, and Jager... not great) Anyway we were doing a warm up exercise and I was kind of near her and we were doing "high knees" as she looked at me and went "Higher"... I automatically just went "hiya, you alright," thinking she was just saying hello to me...!!! awkward moment when she then had to stop the high knees as she was laughing so much and cue the rest of class eyeballing me..

So…. I Suppose there is some slight truth in the fact I might need a carer.. but lets be honest im much more entertaining without one… For instance I wouldn’t be able to try and make Laksa paste and think it’s a good idea to put a wooden spoon into the Magi mix whilst its still going (note to self never try this again), Fall over in the gym whilst coming out of a slightly over the top Lunge, Laugh so much tea comes out my nose (yes sadly this has happened), Flash my knickers at the nice drunk homeless man in Topsham (I seem to be doing this a lot.. ), and general other ridicules things I get up to daily…

Today I can so far announce I have only had one small misfortune… ok maybe two…. Been caught by people whilst wondering around the house in my knickers and a vest top at 8am this morning (another knickers incident) and accidently ringing a client who answered and I said “ Hello .. Mr Smith …” and the reply came back… “Mrs Smith”… Oppss…

Catch you all later…

A night in Topsham!

Well this weekend was a interesting one.. many things happened..

Firstly lets start of with the good news.. My Wife J came to stay on Saturday for some wifey time which was lovely and amazing to have her as I got to show off my new little house as well as the fact I am now notorious around Topsham.. well I like to think so.

I had work on Saturday morning so we met in Exeter at lunch time for a bit of a bite to eat followed by what was supposed to be a Mammoth shopping event.. I need a dress.. not any dress... an amazing dress that would make me look like Jennifer Lopez's fit younger sister.. !!! as you can imagine this didn’t materialise.. Anyway whilst sat down in the cafe having a good old catch up with the wife and local gossip from Portscatho I saw her carefully watch someone behind me it wasn’t till I looked around and saw the side/back of C... Haven’t seen C since the slight bunny boiler incident back in the Easter holidays.. and since then thought I was coming on a treat with whole moving on situation.. apparently my body had other ideas as the shakes took hold/slightly shouting at the nice waitress trying to take our order who I (pleasantly and politely) shouted at her to leave us for 5 minutes.. Thankfully J took hold of the situation and with in 15 minutes I was being fed and watered and brought back to normal. I think this was a Success no tears were involved.... plus the fact he didn’t see me as I was looking like some dirty, scruffy walrus of a person in my work clothes..

After the none shopping that then took place we ventured on home. Showed J my new home and then went back to the rents to raid there Tea supply.. at 5:00pm I decided this was a good a time as any to start the drinking.. met some friends including my B my flat mate for some serious drinking.. by 6pm we had already managed to shot black sambucca, jager, normal sambucca, tequila and anything else im sure we could get out grubby little hands on.. Once we had quite a few, we managed to persuade my brother to take us all boating to the Turf.. Again another successful trip apart from the fact us girls wanted pink bubbles but the nice bar man could only provide normal bubbles with blackcurrant if we really wanted it pink.. we did...

Once back on the boat and back home we ventured back into the Passage whilst me and b trying to give a outstanding performance of singing Turn Around Bright Eyes... this would have been brilliant has we A) both been able to sing, B) not drunk and C) new more words than just Turn Around Bright Eyes.. (sadly this was still before 11pm at night)

By the time me and J left the pub ventured back to mine for me to pick up a few items of clothes for the next day and ventured back to the rents house we bumped into another friend and ended up back at a bit of a house party.. Brilliant..

3am back at home whilst trying to cook something to sober ourselves up... sadly this should not be done whilst talking on the phone as im now sporting a nice burn across my wrist..

SUNDAY - ILL...

Darts farm was the way forward for a bit of a hangover cure.. however after a bit of flirting with the nice waiter and a free few drinks including Pimms and a little stroke of a mulberry handbag I was starting to feel slightly more human...

All in all a Fantastic little 24hrs with the wife..

Up-date on the whole internet dating... I have now had 2 e-mails from different men... both slightly outside my age bracket and 4 people who LIKE my profile.. however in one of the e-mails one comments how A (who wrote my paragraph) might deserve a drink .... does this mean that she deserves it because she made me sound too good... or that im not what im portrayed as... not sure..

Will keep you up-dated.. Got to kiss an awful lot of Frogs/Toads to get Prince Harry...

Its begun

I've only gone and bloody done it....

Finally after months of discussing the good and bad points about internet dating I am now a client of Mysinglefriend.com... Yes that’s right I am officially a ugly weirdo person that cant get a date anywhere else.. Joke

So.. just giving you all the heads up that every now and again (I hope because if I don’t it means that no one not even a murder/child snatcher/89 year old pervert is interested in me and to be honest I could be slightly offended by this) that I will be up-dating you on the progress of this little idea..

A my oldest and bestest has written a brilliant little paragraph about me and as per usual has been more than generous when it comes to what she thinks about me... then again if she had written I was a loud mouth, slightly fat, weirdo I might have had some strong words.. Thankfully she has written im a 6ft 2 run way model who has millions in her account... !! Im sure I could pull off the look easily... Then again. ….

Anyway... Got an e-mail last night after about an hour of having my account live and
guess what ... yes I got a hit.. someone added me to there favourites... que a night of wondering if he is a Johnny Depp lookalike or even possibly a Calvin Klein model... Sadly all of the above are a negative... Cue a 31 year old IT man... sadly he is slightly out of my age range... and as A said.. Got to kiss a lot of Frogs or Toads to find that prince..

Demolition

So...

Somehow I have managed to say safe and not do anything to ridiculous in a foreign county with V however 5 days into being home and I have some how managed to damage myself and other objects quicker than you can say demolition.

Friday night I went to The Passage Pub and met some friends ... ok so this accident might have been a little alcohol induced incident .. However I was txting and not paying attention and forgot about a step and totally twisted my ankle.. Thankfully know one saw else they might have pointed and laughed.. I liked to think I went down gracefully but we all know when drunk your ankle goes one way your body the other.. There is nothing graceful about this!! Anyway in a heap on the floor and with a pretty sharp pain running through my body I mange to hobble out of the pub to find my friends and brother.. who very usefully tells me that its already swollen and will be black before the night is out.. BRILLIANT - I then hobbled home in a not so happy move whilst swinging my leg like something out of treasure island.. I recon I could of made a good Long John Silver..

On Saturday night after one to many drinks again I managed to fall over on the same foot... great work.. also I should point out my foot now has a slightly black tinge to it and looks a little like I might have stuffed a tennis ball inside it....

Sunday I wake up to a very aching foot and a big black bruise on the back of my leg.... I have no idea where this came from!!!

Then Tuesday.... Last night I was a total idiot no way to explain it.. Sat on my sofa at home with my room mate having a chat whilst watching Luther on TV with my legs crossed.. I happened to have had a hot cup of tea resting in my knees and my phone in my hand... im sure you know where im going.. I managed to let go of my phone and then about a minute later realised I hadn’t felt it touch my leg.. looking down into my tea sat submerged other than the very top.. my phone!! however it didn’t quite register so I just carried on looking at it ... I can inform you it is total broken!! Who would of thought? However this isn’t the first time I have done this.. I also managed to submerge my last one in a pint of cider..


Coming soon… Internet Dating.. we have signed on up to Singlefriend.com and just waiting to have some bits finished before it all goes live… I am more than a little scared but at the same time pretty interested to see where it could lead… Do we think Prince Harry might be on there!!!

The return from Portugal

WE HAVE RETURNED...

Me and V have returned from our lovely little holiday in Portugal and I can happily report that neither of us are A married, B preggers with the unwanted child of a Portuguese man, or C been murdered.. However I can report that I have never embarrassed myself in 5 days as much as I have on this holiday.

So.. sit back, relax and have a little chuckle at our expense..

First things first.. I am very much a adult.. however apparently I shouldn’t be left alone in an airport terminal by myself.. not only did I think I was flying to Barcelona... (I was flying to Faro, Portugal) where I actually ended up walking in the direction of the gate for Barcelona that I remembered this... (yes another excellent Dyslexic mistake).. I also managed to be chatting on the phone in Duty free picked up some benefit make up and then wonder out of duty free... I then successfully snuck back in to actually pay for my purchases..

On the aeroplane sat next to a rather.. larger man.. he fell asleep and I tried to twist my body as my bum had fallen asleep however I had not acknowledging that the arm rest between us was up because he wouldn’t fit in the seat with it down so as I placed both hand on the two arm rested and lifted my body up to swivel..  the armrest went down cutting of the blood supply to the man.. I have never seen such a large man hit the roof of the plane in such a short space of time../ the filthy look he gave me whilst I tried to apologies rather too loudly forgetting to take out my ear phones.. Same man.. At landing.. (Wasn’t the smoothest landing of all time) I managed to get a little scared and then grabbed the large man who all ready hated me.. again I believe this took him by surprise and I think he thought I was giving him the come on...

However the best moment was in baggage... and for once it was not me making some ridiculous comment... next to me a girl and her boyfriend when on holiday and she turned him and said... " so where abouts are we Greece,"... the shame on her boyfriends face was perfect..

Met V and her mum at the airport and we took off to the apartment. Which was beautiful.
Next morning up bright and early for a full days sunbathing before taking Vs mum back to the airport.. Whilst in the pool there was a nice man and his child playing catch with a ball provided by the complex I believe.. Anyway 5 minutes later me and V slightly too toasty managed to lumber ourselves in to the pool.. Whilst swimming to the shallow end passing the said man and his son .. V found the ball and threw it at me.. I didn’t actually take in that it was V who had done this so when a ball landed on my head I swiftly picked it up turned around, waved at the nice man and said " Ops.. here you go' and threw it back at him... The look on his face was something of confusion and general bewilderment.. mainly because he thought some weird girl was trying to make him play catch with her.. whilst V slightly drowned as to laughing so much.

Another excellent moment by the pool was that it was pretty empty and only had a few people around the pool so me and V were then sunbathing topless .. however in the pool where 2 boys probably around our age and  did a lot of staring which me and v at the time found kind of funny… until the they took the 2 sun beds right next to us.. when there were 100s of free ones surrounding the pool…. At which point I look and V who looks at me and says slightly too loudly…. AWKWARD…

However other than just mainly embarrassing ourselves around the pool.. we made lots of friends.. well… maybe not.. we met some nice Irish girls who asked if there were Cows and Sheep in Devon.. bit weird! And a nice stalker man who watched us on our terrace.. V was slightly scared he was there to murder and rape us..!!

Another brilliant moment by me was… V and I were out for supper and a gorgeous fish restaurant over looking the beach .. there was a beautiful pink sky… and what I thought was a glorious sunset… so I took a photo!!!
V “Tilly what are u doing,”,
Me “taking a photo of the sunset, “
V “What sunset,”
Me “That sunset,”…
V “Tilly… that’s a light!! Like a street lamp..”!!! Oooo Dear.

Also apparently we don’t handle cocktails very well in foreign places.. after about 3 cocktails mainly consisting of pure vodka we found ourselves at 4am dancing in a bar with people averaging the age of 13… at which point V looked at me and told me she felt old.. so we left.. Whilst trying to disguise the fact we had 2 vodka cokes on us.. As u can imagine we did this very successfully…

Other tit bits of the holiday

–        V walking in to the ladies to find a man

–        Us having our photos taken in the toilets with a photo of Brad Pitt horribly drunk

–        Being told off when we tried to pour ourselves wine

–        V being confused when the waiter was joking about the fact they don’t do tables for 2

–        A very large man braking the sun bed around the pool

–        My handstand activities in the pool

–        The pretend tans

–        The cockroach we found in our room and then covered it with a glass

–        Watching v trying to catch said cockroach after drinking a bottle and half of vodka

–        Being drunk the next day

–        Trying to drive on the wrong side of the road

–        Hangovers in 34 degree heat

–        V’s chicken burger that looked like it had been sweated not cooked

In all it was a brilliant 5 days spent in the sun.. and we have already decided next stop… IBIZA… although im sure this might be even more dangerous.