Are You For Real....

I felt this e-mail that I have just received off Plenty of fish.com should really have its own personal blog... The best yet..

Now ladies I don’t want you to be jealous because this bad boy is mine!!!

He is ... 33 and... Married.. Brilliant off to a great start.. However he use of words are some what poetic..

"Hallo Pretty Woman :)

How are you today ? :)
If you are looking for nsa fun... please let me know. :))
Especial if you are free today (friday) daytime...
Im really horny and will be really happy to come and see you :)

Im handsome, good looking man, you will be more than happy - i can promise :)"
Yes ladies that’s right.. I have been offered some good time fun..

Now i know sometimes i might seem a little desperate.. and yes im not the best at being single.. and yes ive had a few.. misdemeanours should we say... but seriously.. did... Retexe.. really think i was going to respond... Why hello there good looking.. Yes lets have some good fun times.. and im sure you’ll be happy to .. come see me..

YOU DIRTY OLD PERV.... (not me... then again... ok im not that old..)

Hope everyone having a good day.. Told you this internet dating would be a hit!!!....

P.S – Does any one know what NSA means… I don’t want to seem young and naive here but… not got a clue.. (first time I read it I thought he was asking about NASA.. could of been awkward..)

Whats your favourite kind of Cheese...?

Just worked out that its been a while since I been on here and so thought I should get back track a bit..

Not alot is that new at the moment. Still living away from home its been 3 months now and im pretty impressed with myself as are my parents I believe... I am however horrible poor… and yes I do sometimes go home for a bit a laundry service when I work out I actually have no clothes left.. I like to think my mother needs something to do.. she does miss me after all...

what else is new.. o I went on a bit of a date with someone from MSF.com first one done and dusted..... all was good I am still alive.. He wasn’t a mass murder or some weird o in a full length leather jacket... so in all I think this is a big positive..

Also got another few in the pipe line but I seem to be pretty busy at the moment so finding time is causing a bit of a problem but im thinking September will be the month to get really into it…. Also I might not have any money left and have to go on dates to be able to eat that day!

Had quite a funny few new e-mails off people.. One of which his opening liner was... what’s your favourite kind of cheese?? um... ok!!

Now also what is the protocol on replying to e-mails.. I don’t often send e-mails but if someone didn’t respond I might be a little put out but I barely ever respond to most  of the e-mails.. Should I?? Even the ones that ask me if I like a older man .. Looked at his profile and he was 52... um... thanks but your the same age as my parents... but should I respond.. Would he feel hurt because I haven’t replied... Tricky Tricky Tricky..

So a few weird e-mails ive had that I haven’t responded to because I wouldn’t be surprised if they did have slightly murderous tendencies... one simply said... "your perfect"... um... ok... obviously don’t have high expectations of someone if you think im perfect... want me to show u the bump on my neck or the fact I am the clumsiest person I know!!

Another one simply left me his mobile number....... um ok... little scary as how does he not know I have slight murderous tendencies... I might not be a mass murderer but I have had my bunny boiler moments.. maybe I should send some weird txt messages... o wait.. That really is weird.. Moving on...

This weekend I was in Cornwall and had my first real conversation (may only have been 5 words long but still..) with C.. I was very proud of myself and like the fact I want to start being on the friends side of things.. so fingers crossed next time it might even be a 6 worded conversation... still better than nothing.... and I was pretty drunk all weekend and could get my hands on bottles, flour, ect ect.. so lets be honest could of gone a lot worse.

Anyway just a little up-date for you all... Don’t forget tomorrow is lonely hearts ... might find me the man of my dreams... I wonder if that one who was looking for some to go on Coach holidays and bingo nights is still available!!!

Funday 2011....

First things first.. sorry to ruin the surprise for those of you that either A haven’t been on Facebook and for some reason missed all activity regarding Funday this year or B you have no idea what im talking about ... However... WELL BLOODY DONE PLUME TEAM...

Right first things first.. Those of you that don’t understand what Funday is.. here is a small explanation.. (a little like that song Scotland is... )

Portscatho Funday is..... Amazing, Drunken, Naked, Fish, Flour, Robin Edwards Dressed as a women.., Most men dressed as women, Simon Holman’s hair looking better than anyone else’s, Drunken, Dancing, Dancing in the street, Games, More nakedness, More alcohol, Eating..., Small children dancing, More games, Throwing up... you get the gist..

Anyway over Friday night to Sunday afternoon the terrific Committee team of Funday think up 9 Horribly disgusting games for teams to participate in.. Each game will include one or more of the following.. Alcohol (normally a boat race of some kind), Eating (actually edible food... should you believe it), Nakedness, 10 day old fish, Running, Flour, A obstacle course and possibly more drinking and eating.. After 4 fundays i allowed myself to sit out of a team this year... although i think i was always only in a team for plain amusement value.... this year i left that up to my darling elder brother...

Friday .... The Games started with a boat race with a twist where each team had to unpack a suitcase of clothes.. put them all and the down a pint... nice and simple.. you would think... until you work out you have a pair of shoes for a toddler... well done orange team there.. well planned!!!!

Then the eating games.... Cold cottage pie with added sprouts, grapes, cherries and other lovely things, Followed by a trifle.. with added white bait.... and then to finish a chilli jelly through a straw... Delish.. (sounds a little like easy jet food anyway.. )

Followed by a bit of a dance.. now I don’t want to shout about it.. but my dance moves are sometimes pretty amazing.. lets be sure the lawnmower dance more did come out and about... managed to walk home just about with our party of people where we then picked at our cold supper and I managed to pass out...

8am on Saturday... no one was looking pretty... pink paint was covering everything from sheets to body parts.. (pink being our team colour which we were helping supporting where the plume team) ...

Games began at 10:30 however we managed to miss the start time and went for a rather damp walk around St Mawes... by midday we were at the football ground watching the last of the second games finish which involved a plane ... don’t ask.. However the drinking began here as it was a £1 for a can of beer or cider and it was mandatory everyone was drinking.... Brilliant

Third games was involving a human hamster wheel (told you the games were pretty intense) you had to stand inside roll down a slight hill as a pair, then out over some ramps, up the other side of the field on a 2 man bouncy ball, then over some bars and back to the beginning and the next pair went..

More drinking followed on after this game and a little walk back down to the village which wasn’t great if you were wearing flip flops.. que me a very muddy slidey steep path and holding on to roots of trees for dear life as a man at the bottom shook my cider whilst going… “come on tilly… come on… “ like a  little dog!! Thanks..

Game 6 occurred on the beach where you had to lie on a wooden sun lounger whilst one picked it up and rolled u into the sea fully clothed back up the beach and then ring out your clothes and collect as much water as possible… each team were also allowed a towel.. again much easier for teams with real towels… que Orange team with there flannel!! Well done oranges…

A LOT of nakedness occurred… (you did get added bonus points for being naked.. however not sure I had had quite enough to drink at this point... please see below)

Game 7 involved the fish… Ling on a string was back…(see below) If you don’t know what a ling is it’s a gigantic eel about the same length as a large toddler.. 5 of these where then tided to a bit of string… and were so old they had to be stitched up as they were beginning to fall apart!! These where then passed up and under your clothes followed by eating crab pate on dry weatabix and then downing some ale through small straws while sat in something that looked like sick… HMMM….

Everyone then proceeded to get drunker and drunker.. brilliant just before the parade… que a lot of people turning up at my house for dressing and make up… never before did I think I would make boys look like such good slutty airhostess.. but I managed it… blue eye shadow.. too much blusher… red lippy… they were looking hot!!

Once walking through Portscatho dressed in very inappropriate clothing and drinking turbo pims but the bottle … we all had a very good night.. a lot of dancing in the street, old school songs, a land rover that looked like it was either A dancing or B about to brake its suspension as the flat bed it was pulling was being danced on by a lot of people.. Followed by a rather brilliant Portscatho social club disco..

After not remembering a lot I woke up at friends house fully clothes at 8am on Sunday morning… thanks very much my gillyman for the lending on your spare room… the only thing I really remember is making a super spicy pizza that I pretended was fine whilst my mouth was on fire…and being picked up by a man in the kitchen… strange very strange…

I would like to tell you what happened on Sunday but in all honesty I cant remember as I thought I was going to die for most of the day!!! The main importance was my brother swallowing a wasp and then being stung in the back of throat… once pumped full of drugs was back on the drink… That’s my brother.. Good work!!!

Anyway 2 more games took place… and the pink team… the team the Knowles + extras were supporting won.. so well bloody done all in your efforts in… now throwing up, drinking to much, getting naked, and genially being the best bloody team there was..

OVER AND OUT…

Theres always more fish in the sea.... or is there..

Hi all..

Keeping you up-dated on the whole on line dating number i thought i should fill you in on my newest on line dating game.. Plenty of fish... Seriously i swear about a month ago i was to nervous to sign up to any on-line dating sites and now i seem to be the queen of them..

Anyway ... ive decided that if you haven’t got friends you can't be on Mysinglefriend.com - so you go to match.com.. and if you really struggle there you go to plenty of fish.com which mainly consist of weirdo’s, pervs and old men.. Fantastic.. i don’t know if any of you know my type.. but im a big fan of all these characteristics... seriously if a 67 year old, dirty old man came up to me and whispered .. "alright love fancy a dirty quickie behind these here bins...(that would be my attempt of a Devonshire accent there)" by gosh would my knees just tremble at the thought... then again.. maybe not..

To give you a little preview of what i mean .. I joined plenty of fish yesterday after i gave my self a little talking to.. if i want to get back in to the dating game i have to do it full heartedly and to be honest im a little bit still on the fence.. so now im full guns blazing type number..

Anyway back to the point in hand... i joined yesterday and i have already had.. 59 e-mails... yes... apparently i am a hotty on plenty of fish.. or is that i actually have 2 eyes, my own hair, and some knowledge of the English language.. only some.. but more than others.

Anyway to show you the love i have so far received here are a select few ... my favourites.. some of which i really think i could go the distance with...

"i loved ur smile.....can i borrow ur smile...:)" - This is from a man who apparently thinks he is 28... 45 might be a more accurate account.. but i like how he’s trying.. sadly he’s not for me..

“Hello miss sexy :) do I fancy a chat x" - I like this one because he isn’t asking me if i would like to chat to him.. he’s telling me... a firm hand... Then again.. maybe now.. What is it with the smiley faces also...!!!

And then possibly my favourite so far.. just says everything he wants to in a few letters..

“Fancy a look at my 9 inch penis??” Brilliant… I cant believe I ever thought of not responding to this….. apparently he is 29 and lives in Tiverton… however no photo.. probably means he has a face like the elephant man and if he does have 9 inch penis it was probably because of some slight deformity..

There has been a few ok e-mails but mainly just of people saying “hi babe” or “ how are you”..

The hardest thing I think is I have No idea what im looking for.. if that makes sense.. My normal type are 6ft, My age, and normally in the military .. and im kind of change out of that scene a little as I feel I need to branch out and experience a different type.. and its kind of been working.. the few guys I have met who don’t fit all these requirements I still get on well with.. so here a hoping.

Not a lot else going on… big weekend in Topsham where I may have actually picked my liver slightly so im having a week of staying in and being boring apart from Girls night tomorrow, seeing friends on Friday, and Cornwall on Saturday for the weekend… Cricky..

And yes you heard right im venturing off to Cornwall.. first time since Easter but I think I am now finally safe to venture back down to my favourite village that is The Scath…

Already a little nervous about seeing people but im sure I will be fine… Positive thinking gets you along way I’ve heard so im sticking to that for the time being.

One day I will post on here… Im happy, Got someone who loves me, and my life is sorted… however till then… god knows what will happen…

4th August ....

Today would of been mine and C's 4 year Anniversary ... obviously if we had still be together.. Bit of a strange day really and the only reason I remember it is because the day we got together is also his mothers birthday..

I still remember the day pretty well.. I was working behind the bar in our local pub in " The Scath" called The Plume it was the graveyard shift and no one was around... Obviously I was trying to look super cool as I kind of fancied the scrub boy.. C.. anyway he wasn’t actually working that day but was usefully cycling through the pub as it was pretty empty... around and around he went.. all I was thinking most of the time was.. "he's got a pretty good bum,"

Anyway that night we were all off out for a night out in Falmouth…there would be Me, C, and 2 of my gfs H and T.. Off we all went in T's little Ford KA and got to Falmouth.. After quite alot of drinks later.. we all ended up in Rems in Falmouth... C was buying us all quite alot of drinks and im pretty sure this is the night where my love for black sambucca vanished... anyway.... Whilst on the dance floor I was slightly attacked by a man in fancy dress.. if you can call it that... he was wearing.. slimy slick leggings, bare chest and a pink feather bower... ATTRACTIVE.. Don't no why didn’t just jump his bones right there and then.. anyway he kept trying to dance with me and C saw that I wasn’t practically impressed so came over .. picked me up.. and moved me to another area of the dance floor... possibly this was where the attraction really started..

Anyway got home and most of the car journey home we were holding hands.. apart from when he stopped T on the dual carriageway to steal a flashing orange light he quite liked the look of.. anyway.. got home.. he walked me home.. and bobs your uncle...

What followed was a fantastic 3 and half years and I loved him with my whole heart.. ill always hold something for C because we had been through a lot including universities, Training for the marines, Afghanistan, Travelling, .. .. I still remember the night we told each other we loved each other the night before I had a migraine and he wrote it on my back … however thankfully I feel like im coming through the other side.. I've made more friends in the last 4 months than I have done in the last 4 years put together, and ive started to try and start dating again.. not that its being very successful ... I like to think im just a slow starter in the dating game although there has been certain people who have really helped and made the transition alot easier and for that I will be forever great full...

Now.. Once today is over.... On with my life.... all rather exciting isn’t it....

22 Years of..... well nothing

I'm 22 years old am I have achieve exactly NOTHING in my life…. Rhianna is 22 and has dominated the world, Some people are millionaires, some people have helped the save a life of loved one, Some have genially found the love of there life, settled down and had kids.. I have kept a tortoise alive for 2 years.. and most of that has been down to my mum.. so really its not even a achievement..

I have the normal 10 GCSE's I guess for me that was achievement as I still remember my mother saying to me the night before the results.. " now darling lets just chat about what might happen if you don’t get 5 grade C's and above... here’s what you could do...." I also have 3 half decent A levels.. even if they are in the most obscure subjects... although I have a feeling some pretty heavy flirting in some of the subjects helped slightly towards my grades..

I dropped out of University, I couldn’t keep a relationship together where we saw each other approximately 3 times every 2 months.. at most, I have no idea what to do with my life that seems to just be disappearing.. is it me or are weeks and months getting a lot quicker now..?...

Sorry for this little rant but having a odd day... tonight I believe will go 1 of 2 ways... i will go home, curl in to a ball, drink a bottle of wine and have a little cry... or i will go see some girlfriends and do exactly the same thing to them.............. or i just need to snap out of it..

Other things that have happened recently -

Sent C a txt the other night... I thought I would be proactive thing to do and try to get connections going in the old friends dept .. I didn’t get a response.. should of known really... he never replied when we were together why would he reply now to the crazy ex gf......

I have actually sent some e-mails on Match.com.. i know be impressed.. and even got some replies.. so ill keep you up-dated..

That is pretty much me at the moment... ill let you know how the crying and bubbles go later...

Starting Conversations

Now .. if you know me im not one for being shy when it comes to being forward. Im often making friends in unlikely situations or even just down the pub when I would accidently pour a drink over myself or the neighbouring person…. some of my best friends were found this way!

 Anyway.. since ive started this whole internet dating number and had little to no response on MSF.com and scarily a bit to much attention from Match.com with people called psycho1 with no photo….   (im blaming the fact that I just don’t present well over the internet, or everyone looks at my profile and thinks... um... no wonder she needs to be on the internet..) either way.. its not exactly what I thought it would be like... I have recently been talking to a few people regarding this fact and how terribly disappointed I am in the fact that so far I haven’t been on 100 dates and got 47 marriage proposals and 16 mulberry handbags filling up my wardrobe... however no such luck! (sadly its still the primarny special handbags filling up my wardrobe) ..

Anyway back to the reason for this blog.. My friends have decided the reason im getting no where is because im not starting up any conversations and really its a two way game on the internet.. Which I get but at the same time .. What on EARTH do you write to start a conversation... You want to be more original than simply writing.. HI.. on a e-mail but also at the same time you don’t want to write.. "hi  im Tilly, 22, looking to be married by the time im 27/28 and preferably a baby pretty soon after, you also have to be.. tall, good-looking, prepared to put up with my randomness and like a good bottle of something.. also a few million in the bank account wouldn’t hurt either... "..... hmm not sure how well that would go down... Nor if you wrote.. " hi recently single looking for THE ONE... and if your not it and brake my heart i will become a bunny boiler and put a horses head in your bed..." Again not something boys go for one feels...

So... ideas on how to start writing to total strangers in the hope they might decided this slightly Fugly.. (haven’t used that word in years.. now a little sad about the fact I haven’t.. if you have seen Mean Girls the film you will totally understand where im coming from.. however if you are new to this word its a mixture of Fat and Ugly... which oddly enough if you write Tilly on a txt message with predictive txt and miss off a L it spells ugly.. great) girl might actually be alright and a bit of a laugh... ooo god im now getting into the.. She has a great personality section again...!!!

Totally just going to start using the old age saying... All the good guys are.. Taken or Gay.. !!